


The Luck of a Sad Goodbye

by JJBlue1



Category: Joker Game (Anime)
Genre: M/M, References to D no Maou, References to the novel version
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2018-12-21 02:54:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 29,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11934837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJBlue1/pseuds/JJBlue1
Summary: 1939. Odagiri's graduation case didn't just affect him. Somehow Sakuma and Miyoshi as well ended up having to deal with the consequences of it.





	1. Chapter 1

Sakuma knew it wasn’t a good policy to stay up till late… but well, Jitsui recommended him a good book and… and spending time reading was profitable, wasn’t it? So it wasn’t like he was being up for… no good reason at all. He frowned and decided the place he was in was really having a bad influence on him if he had to make excuses for himself… but still he did his best to focus on his book.

Yet, he immediately looked up from it when he heard the sound of the door opening, to see Miyoshi getting in. Well, that was odd. While it was unusual for Sakuma to be up at that hour, it was definitely much rarer for Miyoshi to be back already from… whatever he did the night. And it seemed he came back alone. Even odder.

“Oh. You’re back, Sakuma-san,” Miyoshi commented letting his gaze fall on him as if he had no idea Sakuma was there. Sakuma sighed. Okay, so definitely something was up as it wasn’t like Miyoshi to let himself be surprised by such things… which might mean he was merely faking surprise… but well, no point in wondering what was up, either Miyoshi would tell him on his own or Sakuma doubted he would manage to figure out.

“Apparently,” he confirmed instead, trying to return to his book. Maybe whatever was up wouldn’t involve him.

No such luck as Miyoshi went straight to sit next to him. Yes, Sakuma mused, he definitely should learn to never, **NEVER** stay up till late, no matter the reason, while he was at the _‘Greater East Asia Cultural Society’_. Still, he gave Miyoshi a sideway glance, but Miyoshi just sat there, legs crossed and hands in his pockets staring straight in front of himself and said nothing. Well, as long as he was quiet, it wasn’t like Sakuma minded his company, he mused as he tried to return his gaze on his book. At which point he had arrived anyway?

“It’s unusual to see you still up at this hour, Sakuma-san,” Miyoshi asked as soon as Sakuma-san attempted to begin reading. He didn’t try to mask the unsaid question _‘what are you doing still up?’_ They both knew there was no need to hide it as it would be unlikely for Sakuma-san to have problems giving him a straight answer even to a direct question. As long as questions weren’t rude or too personal Sakuma-san never seemed to mind them and, unless a military secret was involved, Miyoshi knew he could always count on getting an honest answer.

“I’m not really sleepy and so I thought it was a good time to finish this book Jitsui recommended,” he answered, raising it and showing Miyoshi the cover so that he could read the title. “Jitsui is rather knowledgeable in book related matters. He always points me to good books.” The praise somehow displeased Miyoshi. Sakuma-san and Jitsui had this odd relation with Jitsui handing him book titles as if he were the only one in D Agency who knew good titles and worth talking with about literature…

“You’ve read it already, haven’t you?” Sakuma-san asked him out of the blue and Miyoshi studied him. “If not I can lend it to you afterward if you want to read it,” he went on before Miyoshi could reply. It didn’t seem he was speaking under the belief Miyoshi knew too little about literature… and probably wouldn’t be like him to do so. Evidently he only wanted to recommend Jitsui’s book.

“I’ve read it already,” he stated in a carefully disinterested tone, turning his gaze away from Sakuma-san. “And you shouldn’t sing praises of a book when you haven’t finished reading it yet. It could end in a colossal disappointment.” Unlikely, as not only Miyoshi knew the book was good but also that, so far, Jitsui had managed to recommend only books that fit Sakuma-san’s tastes perfectly… even though their tastes clearly differ. Maybe Jitsui only saw it as an exercise in understanding people. Still…

“All right. I’ll keep that in mind,” Sakuma-san agreed smoothly, before returning his attention to the book. Evidently that night he didn’t feel like reminding Miyoshi to watch his tongue when talking with someone who outranked him. It likely meant that, in that moment, Sakuma-san didn’t feel like being First Lieutenant Sakuma, the Army liaison but just Sakuma-san, the tenth guy who resided in the place. Good. When he was in that sort of mood Sakuma-san was a lot easier to get along with. The only problem now was that the man might be too absorbed in his reading to be of any use.

“Do you plan on spending the night reading that book?” Miyoshi found himself asking, mildly miffed.

“Not the whole night, no. I’ll probably reach the end of the chapter and then quit, I think…” the other replied, though he sounded more like a child that was asking for five minutes more than a grown up man. In another moment Miyoshi might have found it even amusing. Right then though, it was sort of insulting how Sakuma-san was paying all his attention to that book as if it was the only thing that mattered to him right then.

“Aren’t you going to ask? How Odagiri’s investigation is coming along? I thought you’ll be worried for him.”

Sakuma sensed the disapprobation in Miyoshi’s tone but he wasn’t sure what it was about. It wasn’t like Miyoshi believed in the importance of worrying about others. Still, he didn’t like the idea Miyoshi could think he didn’t care.

“I’ve read the report. It’s… unfortunate his target died,” he explained. Sakuma actually believed it was more than unfortunate, it was a goddamn first class trouble but he didn’t feel like digging in that topic with Miyoshi. Besides reading the report had been the first thing he’d done when he came back actually, as he fundamentally had begun digging into it before putting down his hat, but he believed he didn’t have to share this detail with Miyoshi. And anyway… what else there was he could do for Odagiri? He’d been asking himself this quite a bit but he couldn’t come up with an answer. “I’m sure Odagiri will manage to handle things though,” he stated as it was all he could say.

Miyoshi was unsurprised. Of course Sakuma-san had read the report, Miyoshi knew Sakuma-san always read the results of all their investigations as he needed to present them to the General Staff Headquarters. Really, Sakuma-san didn’t need to tell him _‘that’_ as that wasn’t what he was asking of him nor was he asking for reassurance on Odagiri’s ability. Sakuma-san could have kept for himself that last comment.

“And?” Miyoshi insisted.

“And what?” Sakuma-san asked back, turning to look at him with a curious gaze. Miyoshi gave him the _‘don’t be dense’_ glare but still replied to his question.

“What do you think of Odagiri’s theory that someone killed Schneider?”

Sakuma pondered over it, or better on why Miyoshi was asking his opinion over it, when Miyoshi likely had a personal opinion about it already and of which he surely was confident about. It wasn’t like Sakuma could know details Miyoshi didn’t after all, as what little data the Army had of Schneider had been handed to Odagiri already and the German spy playing journalist wasn’t among Sakuma’s acquaintances.

As far as Sakuma knew, the only topics in which he knew more than Miyoshi after all were the Army, the swords and the samurai’s history and none of such things had relevance with Odagiri’s case therefore he really couldn’t offer any additional information to what Miyoshi knew.

So… from what he could gather… it seemed Miyoshi only wanted to talk. No, probably he wanted to vent since he seemed annoyed… which maybe meant he and Odagiri had argued again as it wasn’t a secret for anyone they had troubles getting along. No good, really. Odagiri probably was under enough stress already and Sakuma had no wish to be involved in an argument with Miyoshi either. So, the wise thing would have been to humour Miyoshi and pretend he disagreed with Odagiri… but Sakuma wasn’t good at doing the wise thing when it involved lying and pretending.

“Odagiri is more knowledgeable on this matter than the two of us put together. If he says someone might have killed him… I guess it could be possible,” he ventured. If Odagiri thought it was possible… but Sakuma really didn’t want to dig into this line of thoughts either. “And anyway there’s no harm in considering the possibility. If by chance Odagiri were to turn wrong… well, he only played on the safe side…” he offered. He wasn’t sure if he should hope for Odagiri to be right or wrong. He had the feeling this wouldn’t develop well for Odagiri either way.

Miyoshi kept on glaring at him but said nothing. Faced with silence, all Sakuma thought he could do was to return his gaze to his book and give Miyoshi the time to think at something to say to bug him again because he was willing to bet the discussion wasn’t going to end here. He didn’t mind though. Maybe discussing things with Miyoshi could give him a better way to spend time than reading a book.

“So how was your day, Sakuma-san? Did anything interesting happen at the General Staff Headquarters since you had to spend the whole day there?”

Couldn’t Miyoshi just straight out come and tell him what he wanted from him, he wondered. But well, if Miyoshi were to make things simple he wouldn’t be himself.

“Let’s say nothing unexpected happened.” Which meant he had to stand as he listened Colonel Mutō rant and rave on how much he hated the Lieutenant Colonel in particular and spies in general and how Sakuma was doing nothing worthwhile and then answer to the many annoying questions the Colonel made him, searching fruitlessly to find a weak spot to use to chew either Sakuma or D Agency. Unluckily this had turned into _‘ordinary administration’_ for Sakuma so he didn’t find worth mentioning it to Miyoshi. Besides it never did anything good to complain about the Army with Miyoshi and, anyway, it wasn’t his place to do it. “And I didn’t quite spend there all the day but when I came back you all were out already,” he added though, as he wondered if Miyoshi’s words were implying he had wasted time there, which definitely wasn’t what he had done.

No reply came. Miyoshi just sat there, frowning and looking straight ahead himself. Evidently he couldn’t care less about how Sakuma’s day had gone and that wasn’t the answer he was looking for. So what exactly did he want from him? Sakuma sighed and closed his book as an idea crossed his mind.

“How was your day, Miyoshi?” he asked back. Miyoshi looked at him then shrugged.

“Uneventful as well. I only got to do some minor investigation at the embassies.” …which was something Sakuma-san likely knew already since he had probably also read to whom today jobs had been assigned but Sakuma-san, instead than returning his attention at his book, just stared at him, as if waiting for Miyoshi to add more details. Although normally it annoyed him to be stared at, Miyoshi decided he didn’t mind Sakuma-san’s gaze patiently lingering on him, as if to hint he would listen, if Miyoshi were to wish to talk. Miyoshi though, didn’t really have much to add. He wasn’t quite sure why he had thought sitting down next to Sakuma-san would have been a good idea. They would probably end up arguing for the wrong reasons… and he already had an annoying argument that day.

“Boring day, uh?” Sakuma commented when Miyoshi fell silent again and it was obvious he wasn’t going to add details.

“Unpleasant day, yes.”

A confirmation… and maybe it was just his impression but it seemed Miyoshi had marginally relaxed a bit. So the general idea was that he was supposed to prod?

“Perhaps people at the German and at the Soviet embassies gave you a hard time?”

“I **__know__** how to handle them,” Miyoshi snapped, taking offence at Sakuma-san’s words. _‘Here it comes,’_ he thought. The unpleasant, useless arguing. Now Sakuma-san would bristle up and then…

“I know you’re good at handling them,” Sakuma answer back without the slightest hesitation, not really seeing why Miyoshi would feel that way as it wasn’t like he doubted Miyoshi’s ability to handle things. Still, Miyoshi seemed uncharacteristically down… or maybe what was really uncharacteristic for him was that he was letting Sakuma realize it. Miyoshi usually guarded his feelings better. “What I mean to say was that dealing with annoying people can still give you a hard time even if you know how to do it,” Sakuma clarified. Miyoshi looked at him as if to try to guess if he was really meaning it. Sakuma let him. After all, in a place where everyone pretended to be what he wasn’t, Sakuma shouldn’t expect Miyoshi to be capable to take his words at face value immediately, even though he knew Sakuma wouldn’t say things he didn’t mean.

“I guess,” Miyoshi agreed in the end, turning his gaze away from him, only now he was keeping it slightly lowered and not straight ahead of himself. Okay, so the problem weren’t the embassies either, Sakuma realized. So, this only left one option. Probably there was a roundabout way to ask, one that would be tactful and that would allow Miyoshi to be as vague as he pleased but Sakuma wasn’t going to play that game.

If Miyoshi chose to come venting with him… well, he should have known how Sakuma would have dealt with it.

“All right. So what did Odagiri said about your report that rubbed you off the wrong way?” Predictably, he got a glare. He sustained it. Either they were going to talk in a way that wouldn’t give him headache or they weren’t at all.

“Odagiri is an idiot,” Miyoshi stated in a deadpanned tone. Oh, well, hooray, finally a straight answer. Now, if only Miyoshi could elaborate a little…

“You know… I’m not going to believe he doubted your work at the embassies,” he began. Yet he had the feeling that this time the argument between the two had been worse than usual. Before Miyoshi had never ended up on being upset by what Odagiri were to say. Or not to say as Odagiri wasn’t much of a talker, even when he argued with someone.

“No one could possibly be so moronic to doubt it,” Miyoshi agreed and while it was true, the implication that Sakuma-san had no doubts he did a good work felt pleasant. They spent a year thinking Sakuma-san thought the worst of them. Even if it was a wrong assumption, it felt somewhat good to be reminded about how the man appreciated their abilities.

“So, what did Odagiri said that was so terrible?” he asked as he believed he would go nowhere if they were to keep up this guessing game. Not that Miyoshi looked like he wanted to help him any. “You know, Odagiri is probably just very stressed. It doesn’t help the target in his graduation case died and…”

“Odagiri didn’t even know this is **__still__** his graduation case,” Miyoshi cut him snappily. “Even you know about it and he doesn’t know. Besides he has no reason to be _‘stressed’_ there was nothing out of the ordinary in this case. We’ve been trained to handle this sort of things. Yet, not only his target died, but now he goes and claims that Schneider had been killed by someone when there was basically no chance for someone to kill him while Schneider was under his watch and has us all work for him and when we report to him he has the gall to complain to me on why I’m reporting to him and then you take his side?”

Sakuma blinked. It was rare for Miyoshi to vent like this as his idea of being angry was made more of silent glares, subtle or not so subtle insults to someone’s intelligence and dragging unsuspecting people into nasty _‘jokes’_. Miyoshi too should have realized he’d spoken too much because he glared then crossed his arms and turned his gaze away from Sakuma. Really, he wasn’t the type to show weaknesses or to lose control and clearly he wasn’t pleased with himself for that small slip. Still… there should have been a reason if, for once, he openly let Sakuma see what was going on in his mind, instead than just demanding from Sakuma to figure out things on his own.

Sakuma wished he had one instruction book on how one dealt with Miyoshi when he was in a mood like that, but sadly he had no such luck.

“All right, Odagiri crossed the line and I didn’t mean to take anyone’s side. My bad if I didn’t deliver this one well.” Miyoshi snorted and didn’t look at him. “Hey. I mean it,” he stated firmly.

“I know. You always mean what you say,” Miyoshi admitted reluctantly. “And you always want to be _‘fair’_.”

“Don’t say _‘fair’_ as if it were a bad word,” Sakuma protested. “And anyway… in all fairness… I’m warned beforehand about when you will have assigned your graduation cases… and I would be warned if they were to be taken away from you or if you had finished them. There’s really no merit in me knowing about it. I thought you knew about it as well.”

Miyoshi didn’t dignified him an answer and just remained sitting there, hands now in his pockets and an unsatisfied expression on his face. Sakuma knew this meant he could just let him brooding or sulking or whatever, ignore him in short and go back to… what was he doing before? Oh yes, reading his book, that was what he was doing before Miyoshi interrupted him.

Sakuma also knew Miyoshi, instead than going to spend his night with his other fellow D Agency members, had chosen to come sit with him and had tried getting something out of him. Sakuma though, had not the slightest idea about what Miyoshi wanted and so he couldn’t really help him there but still ignoring him… simply wouldn’t feel right.

“I’ll make tea. Do you want some?” he offered, motioning to stand up. Surprise filled Miyoshi’s gaze for a brief moment, so quickly that, if Sakuma hadn’t been carefully studying him, he might have missed it.

“Wait,” he stopped him, grasping his sleeve. “I’ll do it.”

“You’ll do it?” It was Sakuma’s turn to be surprised now… and even a bit wary. It wasn’t a secret Miyoshi (and Kaminaga) hardly knew how to cook and had ended up being banned from trying. Truth to be told, they hadn’t done so much as to boil an egg before joining the place so them not being good was expected… but they were seriously so bad at it Sakuma, for a while, thought they were faking just to be removed from cooking duties and it was only because everyone else insisted on it and Fukumoto even volunteered to take their turns in the kitchen, that Sakuma relented.

“If you’ve to know I do have high confidence in brewing tea,” Miyoshi informed him. Sakuma felt tempted to tell him _‘since when you don’t have high confidence?’_ but restrained himself and let him do as he preferred. Maybe doing something would be good for Miyoshi’s mood.

It didn’t take much before he was presented with a hot cup of tea.

“Here.”

“Thank you.” Miyoshi watched Sakuma-san as the man accepted the cup, but, instead than just drinking from it, he merely stared at it. Annoying.

“There’s no cyanide in it, if that’s what you’re afraid of, though you don’t have to force yourself to drink it if you don’t want to,” Miyoshi informed him. “I can always throw it away.” Of course he didn’t think he’ll be capable to let Sakuma-san live this down but well… he won’t force him to swallow his tea either. Sakuma-san though, tossed him a glance then returned his attention on the tea.

“No, I’ll drink it, thank you. I was just thinking… it smells nice.” The compliment came unexpected but in an absolutely honest tone and this, somehow, pleased him. Sakuma-san wasn’t the type to offer praises he didn’t mean.

“It should. It’s made with Yūki-san’s tea leaves,” he replied before taking a sip for himself. The two eyed each other. Sakuma-san’s glance seemed to ask _‘did you have permission to touch them?’_ and a corner of Miyoshi’s mouth turned up as he silently challenged him to voice that question. Then Sakuma-san sighed.

“All considered, I don’t really want to know. Besides it’ll be probably too late to do anything about it,” he admitted. “And you never truly listen to me when I scold you…” he complained but there was a sort of fond resignation in his voice and Miyoshi found himself chuckling.

Sakuma-san left one of the corners of his mouth to turn up as he took a sip of his own tea.

“It’s good,” he commented and, while his voice was clearly appreciative, everything in him revealed his surprise at the discovery.

“Of course it is. I’ve made it,” Miyoshi stated with confidence. Instead than just scolding him for being overconfident, Sakuma-san grinned back.

“All right, all right, you’re good at making tea,” he conceded and Miyoshi was again reminded of how it was easier to deal with Sakuma-san when he was in modality _‘off duty’_. Maybe that was what he’d been searching when he decided to seek for his company that night. Something uncomplicated and straightforward that would allow him to rest. Because, even though he didn’t believe Schneider had been killed, he’d done his best at the embassies and yet Odagiri had the gall to not even realize it was his case and…

“You know, in regard to Odagiri and how he didn’t realize this was still his case…” Sakuma-san began then, as if he hadn’t considered the topic concluded when he had asked Miyoshi if he wanted tea as Miyoshi had instead assumed. “For how I see things the possibilities are only two. Either you’re rather smart and not everyone can figure out things as easily as you do, or you’re just average and, as you said, Odagiri, not being able to grasp what an average person would, is just an idiot. So tell me, Miyoshi,” he prodded with a grin, turning to look at his so as to give him his full attention. “Is this the day you admit you’re just _‘average’_ and therefore fully in your own right to complain that Odagiri’s intelligence is below what’s acceptable?”

Miyoshi stared at him, then he couldn’t help but chuckle again.

“Touché,” he conceded. “Though you’re turning a tad too smart for your own well being, Sakuma-san… and let me remind you that **YOU** are the one who seems to think Odagiri is **__so__** bright.”

“Odagiri is intelligent and sharp. We both know about it. We know the Lieutenant Colonel wouldn’t have agreed to continue investigations if Odagiri’s theory about how that guy… Schneider…” he pronounced the German name correctly but with an unease that hinted he wasn’t comfortable speaking German. “…could have been killed by someone else instead than just committing suicide, was completely stupid. It doesn’t mean Odagiri is omniscient all of sudden, or that he’s the best in the Agency. Just that he’s good and worth of faith even if there had been troubles and he’s probably a little stressed.”

“Actually it’s not like Yūki-san is just swallowing Odagiri’s theory. He just wants to take control of Schneider’s spy network because Schneider happens to be dead and it would be a waste to let it to some other spy agency. Besides, if it’s not Odagiri that pushed him to commit suicide… then it could have been someone else tied to his spy network.” Miyoshi tossed Sakuma a speculative glance. “Which brings us to the task Yūki-san gave to Odagiri **AFTER** he reported Schneider’s death…”

“What about it?” Sakuma-san’s tone was carefully neutral as well as his expression, Miyoshi noticed, the way they went when Sakuma-san was playing poker and didn’t want to give hints in regard to the cards he was holding. Which was good when playing poker, as it really didn’t tell Miyoshi if he was holding good or bad cards… but if used in a casual conversation it was a dead giveaway that Sakuma-san knew something and was sort of guarding it. Miyoshi had no idea which task Yūki-san had given to Odagiri but Sakuma-san probably knew and this bit could be a relevant part to the puzzle and could explain why Sakuma-san was so persistent in defending Odagiri’s actions. Only Sakuma-san apparently wasn’t so prone to tell what he knew.

“Care to share your thoughts about it?” Miyoshi asked, careful to make it sound casual enough. Sakuma-san gave him a sideway glance.

“Actually I’ll prefer to hear yours first.”

“Fine. I think Odagiri will mess up,” Miyoshi replied without missing a beat. “He’s just searching for something that’s not there.” It was an answer vague enough to fit with almost everything without giving away he had no idea which task Odagiri received.

“I wonder,” it was Sakuma-san unhelpful reply, though the man seemed deep in thoughts and this could mean that Odagiri had, in fact, received a task that could work as a hint toward… something.

“Care to clarify?”

“You know I don’t really get what goes in the Lieutenant Colonel’s mind. I’m probably completely off track. No, I must be completely off track because, considering Odagiri, it wouldn’t make sense otherwise but still…”

“Still?” Miyoshi gently prodded.

“No, never mind. I’ve no idea.” Sakuma-san sounded frustrated and sort of angry at himself but overall all he said didn’t really help Miyoshi to figure out things. He sighed.

“You know, you’re really not making any sense, Sakuma-san.” It was the wrong thing to say apparently as Sakuma-san was staring at him attentively now.

“Miyoshi. You do happen to know which was the task assigned to Odagiri, don’t you?” He could, of course, lie but there would be no point to it. Sakuma-san, as the stubborn guy he was, wouldn’t let it go and, eventually, he would find out, if not from him from the others and, for sure, he wouldn’t give him additional information ever again. There was no point in keeping up the pretence. It was more meaningful to wonder why Sakuma-san found suspicious how Miyoshi told him he wasn’t making any sense.

“I never said I did,” he stated calmly, knowing honestly was the best weapon against Sakuma-san. “Don’t blame me for assuming things on your own.”

“I blame you for deliberately misleading me!” the other snapped, sounding clearly irritated. “And don’t try to play innocent with me, that’s exactly what you **PURPOSELY** did!” Miyoshi gave him a glance filled with annoyance, though more than being annoyed with Sakuma-san he was annoyed with himself. He already knew Sakuma-san would get angry if he were to figure it out Miyoshi had mislead him, and that not even Yūki-san would manage to make him think that this sort of things were _‘acceptable behaviour’_ in a spy so that didn’t really affect him anymore. No, what annoyed Miyoshi was that he had let the man figure out the misleading so easily. This wasn’t part of the plan. That night nothing seemed to go the way Miyoshi wanted it.

“So I did. Would you have told me otherwise?”

“Do you think I’ll tell you now?”

Miyoshi shrugged in reply.

“Odds were more in my favour if I were to mislead you than if I were to play honest with you.” Sakuma-san didn’t deny it because Sakuma-san’s sense of morals forbids Sakuma-san were to lie, but the glare he tossed in Miyoshi’s direction was definitely not friendly.

“So deceiving me was worth it?” The question came out as odd to Miyoshi. He expected Sakuma-san to go mad at him for a silly matter of morals, not because he saw it as a personal attack. It wasn’t even planned as a personal attack.

“Don’t take everything as personal,” he found himself saying, finding the situation oddly sort of uncomfortable. “I wanted to know. I would have deceived everyone to know it. Tricking people is just a mean to get information, nothing more.” Sakuma-san’s glare remained on him for a moment longer before the man opened his book with the look of someone who doesn’t plan to concede Miyoshi one second longer of his own attention.

“I don’t think I’ll ever understand you,” Sakuma-san stated, matter of fact, his voice betraying a certain bitterness.

“Likewise,” Miyoshi shoot back, annoyed. He wasn’t there to soothe Sakuma-san’s hurt pride or whatever, especially when the man got hurt over nothing, really. An uncomfortable silence fell between the two of them.

Maybe it was true, Sakuma mused, he was taking things too personally. Maybe this was just the way Miyoshi was, or had been morphed into by that school, and there was simply no turning back. The way he was a soldier, the other was a spy. The way he had been taught to think straight questions were the best thing, Miyoshi had been taught to think deception was the easiest way to get what he wanted. Maybe it was just that. Maybe.

… and if this was true… he couldn’t really hold it against Miyoshi, could he?

“I’ll ask the Lieutenant Colonel if I’m allowed to speak about Odagiri’s task.”

The sudden statement startled Miyoshi. He expected the man would proceed to ignore him for the night and was considering if it was time to leave the place as nothing would come from remaining, so Sakuma-san’s declaration came as a surprise. He glanced at him but the man kept his eyes on the book, a frown on his face. He wasn’t really reading it though, although he was likely trying to. He was just too upset to read.

“Don’t bother on my account. I don’t care anymore.”

“It’s not for you, as the world happens not to circle around you only, Miyoshi. I’m just curious to know if I can. That’s all.”

Sarcasm didn’t suit Sakuma-san, Miyoshi thought, but if Sakuma-san wanted to be that way, so be it.

“Can’t you do something without being allowed to?”

Sakuma-san glanced at him at that. Miyoshi sustained his look. This time his words had been said with the meaning to offend the other. Still, this time, Sakuma-san didn’t get angry.

“The way you’ve duties as a spy, so I have as a soldier. Despise my choice of a job if you want, I won’t do a sloppy work just because you think low of the Army and I won’t break rules just because it would be convenient for you if I were to do it.” Sakuma-san said it calmly, as if he believed Miyoshi had made that question because he really didn’t understand why Sakuma-san did what he did. Miyoshi actually understood it… he just didn’t approve.

However, for all Miyoshi could despite the Army and the way soldiers thought… he couldn’t deny Sakuma-san always did his best at his job. It was a stupid job in Miyoshi’s eyes, but the man took it at heart. Maybe that was why he got so angry before, because he thought Miyoshi wanted to get in the way of him doing his job.

“It seems we both despise each other’s choice for a living,” he observed. “But I also take seriously my job.”

“I don’t seem to remember reading somewhere the Lieutenant Colonel instructed you to nose into Odagiri’s task as part of your job.”

“He didn’t. It makes no difference. I should be capable to figure things out anyway.”

Sakuma frowned. Was Miyoshi aiming at having the same ability of analysing things and figuring them out that the Lieutenant Colonel had? Was he that upset because he believed the Lieutenant Colonel was up on something and he couldn’t guess what? In Sakuma’s opinion Miyoshi was the smartest among the students… but the Lieutenant Colonel was on another plane entirely. That man could literally foresee things before they were to happen. Sakuma didn’t think someone could keep up with him, still…

“I see…” he trailed off for a moment. “Well, my duty is to be the Army’s Liaison instead. I can tell you what I know… but only if you ask for not classified info. That’s why I’ll make sure to check from now on.”

They exchanged a glance. Sakuma-san was the Army Liaison, that much was true… but his duty, from what Miyoshi knew, was merely to give **YŪKI-SAN** information if the man made a proper request… and Miyoshi was pretty sure that, while Sakuma-san would do his share should Yūki-san request for something, he didn’t really offered him collaboration, he only did his part as per his duty.

For his own reasons Sakuma-san was extending to Miyoshi an offer for spontaneous cooperation… as long as they remained in the Army’s rules. Would it be useful or not? Surely it would be faster and… He turned his gaze away as a though stuck him.

“Does this come in exchange with the promise of not trying to… mislead you ever again?” Was this the deal Sakuma-san wanted to make? Was this what was behind his offering?

“No offence but I don’t think you can make this kind of deal,” Sakuma replied also looking elsewhere. It would be a tempting exchange, of course… but he hadn’t offered such thing with the aim to make an exchange. “One day you might be ordered to find out what I know regardless of whatever deal we made… and you’re also pretty bad at taking _‘no’_ as a reply, Miyoshi.”

So, it wasn’t interest what was pushing Sakuma-san to make this kind of offering. What then?

“I’m really good at taking no as an answer and you know it perfectly well considering the many times you turned down my invitations. I just don’t let a _‘no’_ discourage me from trying again.”

“I noticed,” it was the dry reply, then he sighed. “There’s no catch, Miyoshi, it’s just something I feel it’s the right thing to do. Though, of course, nobody forces you to come ask me for info,” he concluded, returning his gaze on his book. Maybe the best thing was to let Miyoshi mull on it at his own pace, he thought.

“Why Odagiri?”

The sudden question startled Sakuma. Evidently, Miyoshi’s own pace was pretty fast.

“Why Odagiri what?” Miyoshi gave him the _‘you’re dense or what?’_ look but dignified to clarify his question.

“Why is Odagiri the first one to get a graduation case?”

“It was the Lieutenant Colonel’s decision. I don’t get a say in it,” Sakuma explained. Miyoshi studied him. “What?” Sakuma asked, sensing a question under that studying gaze. Miyoshi sighed, as if annoyed to have to spell things out for him.

It wasn’t this actually. It was the way Sakuma-san had apparently accepted blindly the decision even if, since he was the Liaison, he could have actually dug into the reasons for it a little more, even if he had not the power to influence it… or so he said. It was clear Yūki-san didn’t assign the graduation cases following a random order so… He knew Sakuma-san wasn’t as involved as them in all that but wasn’t Sakuma-san at least a bit curious about why Odagiri would be Yūki-san’s first choice? Did he really think Odagiri was that good? Even if short before he hinted he might thought Miyoshi was better than Odagiri?

Or was it possible it was Miyoshi that was missing something? In his own peculiar way Sakuma-san cared about them. This alone would be enough to make Sakuma-san prone to being interested about the assignment order, never mentioning the man actually tended to be curious wherever something didn’t make sense to him. If Sakuma-san wasn’t wondering about the whole thing but dismissing it effortlessly he evidently had already found an answer for himself that satisfied him. And while it could be that Sakuma-san was completely off track in this regard, he was the one who spent the most time discussing about them with Yūki-san and wasn’t that bad at figuring out when a certain behaviour made sense or not.

If Yūki-san’s choice to start from Odagiri was something Sakuma-san didn’t seem worth questioning, maybe it was because the starting order made sense to him. Miyoshi felt a pang of annoyance at the idea that yes, Sakuma-san might think Odagiri was better suited at this than him.

“And you are all right with him being the first one among all of us,” he stated and Sakuma finally connected the dots and figured why Miyoshi was so disturbed by the whole matter. Odagiri was among the best three in the school, the other two being Miyoshi and Kaminaga. Likely, what had upset Miyoshi so, was the subtle fear the Lieutenant Colonel was testing them starting from the one he judged _‘the best’_. Now that he thought at it... the others too possibly shared this feeling. They were competitive. They likely thought of this as some sort of race.

“I told you, I don’t get a say in this,” he replied anyway. “And I’m pretty sure it’s not like there’s a predetermined order in this matter so there’s no real relevance in who goes first and who goes last.” Sakuma knew he probably shouldn’t say this as he had no proofs but… but, if there had been a predetermined order the Lieutenant Colonel wouldn’t have taken his time before assigning the case, he would have just assigned it to the first name in the list. Instead the man studied it attentively before deciding on Odagiri.

“Don’t be absurd, Sakuma-san, Yūki-san wouldn’t assign graduation cases at random,” Miyoshi replied, annoyed. Yūki-san wasn’t the type to follow his own impulses so he clearly followed a logic in how graduation cases were assigned and…

“I know,” Sakuma agreed. “That’s not what I was saying. I know the Lieutenant Colonel gave deep thoughts to this matter. I mean… well, it’s not like I’ve proofs but…” Sakuma-san rubbed his neck, looking unease somehow. Very likely he’d been there when Yūki-san decided on Odagiri so, even if he hadn’t questioned the decision, it was possible he caught up on something and…

“Are you thinking Yūki-san assigned it according to our specific abilities? It’s true that, although we all have the same preparation, there are some differences in our abilities, but this case didn’t really require special capabilities. It was, from the start, a very standard case of following a target and...” …and no, this wasn’t what Sakuma-san was thinking he realized as something else the man said came to his mind.

_‘You know, Odagiri is probably just stressed. It doesn’t help the target in his graduation case died and…’_

Sakuma-san wasn’t thinking Odagiri was stressed because his target died, just that this wasn’t helping the matter as, according to Sakuma-san, Odagiri would have been stressed before this had happened… and since Odagiri wasn’t one who would get stressed merely because put under pressure this could only mean...

“You think there’s something in this case that seems so ordinary that actually makes it target-made to test Odagiri. Something that makes it stressing **__for him__** ,” Miyoshi guessed and Sakuma nodded with a sigh. “That’s why you don’t think Odagiri is just a moron for coming up with such theory, you believe it’s just this case which has something that’s hampering Odagiri’s thoughts and that something is likely connected to what Yūki-san is currently having Odagiri investigating about.”

But what could that _‘something’_ be? The only thing Odagiri was really poor at was interacting... and he could still handle it, if he put his mind at it. He just didn’t like to do it and, if given the chance, avoided doing it, but it’s not like this time he had to interact a lot with people. So... was there something else? Something more _‘personal’_?

Miyoshi had no idea. He and Odagiri weren’t close... actually it was true the opposite. Fukumoto would probably be better at guessing as he was the closest to him... or even Tazaki but he...

“Anyway Odagiri’s good. As I said he’s just probably stressed right now but he’ll manage,” Sakuma-san insisted and, as Miyoshi was about to frown in annoyance at the man’s insistence in praising Odagiri, another thought hit him.

“You’re worried for him,” Miyoshi stated, looking at him with a bit of wonderment. “You’re afraid Odagiri might fail. That the task Yūki-san gave him is tied to something Odagiri is so weak against he might end up messing up badly, which is why you don’t want to talk about it. Because it might end up revealing Odagiri’s weakness.” Sakuma-san always seemed so against spies that Miyoshi had often assumed he would prefer if they all were to fail but now he could see that clearly wasn’t the case.

“I’m not worried!” Sakuma-san protested. “I told you Odagiri is good and he’s probably only a little stressed and… and I know I’ve no reason to worry about this so…”

“Are you trying to persuade me or yourself about this?”

Sakuma-san frowned, then turned his gaze away from him and sighed.

“There’s no reason for me to doubt of Odagiri’s ability… and it would be rude toward Odagiri if I were to do it,” he insisted but that wasn’t the problem. The problem was likely that, although Sakuma-san intellectually knew all this, his heart begged to differ, because in his own, peculiar way, he cared about them. “I want to believe Odagiri will manage to get through this,” Sakuma-san went on. “Feel free to make fun of me if you want.”

Miyoshi considered pointing out that _‘wanting to believe’_ and _‘believing’_ were two very different things, and that anyway believing in something without proofs was stupid, but didn’t really feel like it. There was something _‘warm’_ in the odd and irrational way Sakuma-san cared for them and Miyoshi didn’t plan to dispel that warmness, as senseless as it was. That warmness had, after all, managed to wash away part of Miyoshi’s irritation for all that had happened during the day.

“You know… sometimes I forget you’re the oddest person I’ve ever met,” he stated with a sigh, then leaned heavily against Sakuma-san’s shoulder.

“Hey, don’t lean on me, I’m not a pillow! Besides what do you mean _‘the oddest’_? I’m making perfect sense!” Sakuma protested. Miyoshi didn’t move. Actually he even closed his eyes.

“I’m tired. Let me rest, it’s not just Odagiri, I’ve also had a stressing day.”

“For this you’ve a perfectly comfortable bed upstairs!” the man pointed out. “And you aren’t even wearing your jacket! You’ll catch a cold if you’ll fall asleep here!” Miyoshi did his best not to smile.

“I don’t feel like doing stairs… and you also are comfortable. Not mentioning if I can swim with my clothes on under the snow in the dead of the winter it’s unlikely I’ll catch a cold because I’m sleeping without my jacket on in spring,” Miyoshi retorted. “Now shush. Stop worrying about Odagiri as we already established he’s not that terrible as a spy and go back to your book and try to focus on it this time as it really didn’t look like you were paying to it enough attention to make out what it talked about. Doesn’t Jitsui always ask your opinion on the books he suggests to you afterward?”

“He does…” Sakuma-san admitted. “But you should…”

“I’m comfortable here, I said. If I bother you so much, try pushing me off or get away.”

Miyoshi knew Sakuma-san wouldn’t do such thing…nor would he move away. It wasn’t the first time they played that game after all.

He heard Sakuma-san grumbling something about Miyoshi being the worst of the whole bunch before starting on doing his best to ignore Miyoshi and focus his attention on his book. After a while Miyoshi heard the man finally turning the page of the book he’d been staring at for the most of the night without really being capable to read it. Really, this guy was something else. Capable to give away his life without a second though for a silly, honour related reason and yet so worried for them, with whom he argued more often than not and so obviously disapproved, he couldn’t manage to sleep or read when he believed they could end up in troubles.

Miyoshi wondered if Sakuma-san would worry for all of them the same way he was worrying for Odagiri. Probably. He shifted his position and placed himself a little better against Sakuma-san, who only grumbled a little but didn’t really push him away. Miyoshi had no clear idea why he was so comfortable sleeping against him. The best he could come up with was that it was like sleeping with his own personal watchdog. Absolutely safe.

In fact, for all his grumbling about not wanting Miyoshi to sleep like that, Miyoshi had learnt Sakuma-san wouldn’t kick him away nor would let Kaminaga or Hatano prank Miyoshi while Miyoshi was sleeping… and Miyoshi was also sure there was more to the whole thing, more that made so comfortable to sleep next to Sakuma-san… however he simply couldn’t put his finger on what it exactly was and it was hard to rationalize the feeling it gave him to be there when he soon felt so sleepy he couldn’t help but really fall asleep.

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

**1\. Sakuma, Jitsui and books:** Not only the opening depicts Jitsui reading a book but one of the drama cd seems to confirm his love for them. As it’s also hinted Sakuma likes to read (in the original script we were supposed to see him reading while the others were playing cards) and Jitsui’s canon profile states that Jitsui worried for Sakuma I thought it was possible for Jitsui to be one willing to recommend books to Sakuma.

**2\. Sakuma and staying up till late:** In the anime we see Sakuma uses to go to bed before 10:00 PM and it’s hinted that, although he is not forced to, he usually does so unless something comes up.

**3\. Sakuma being still at D Agency:** Very likely Sakuma left D Agency after the John Gordon case and, in fact, we don’t see him through the whole of Odagiri’s episode even if that episode takes place just after the _‘Joker Game’_ one. However… I decided to shrug the whole matter off and pretend Sakuma was still working as a Liaison for D Agency. Please, forgive me for this minor canon discrepancy.

**4\. Miyoshi and Odagiri:** We see the two of them argue only once, in Ep 12, but the two of them seem pretty different character wise and, when they’re shown interacting in the manga there seems to be somewhat of a dissonance between them. In addition to this Itazu Yoshimi, the author of the end cards, said that when instructed to draw the end cards he was told to “Draw the spies in their daily lives that aren’t seen in the main animation” and that Director Nomura gave him information on the character’s personality and whom they get along with and, among all the end card he drew, he showed Miyoshi and Odagiri together only in the final end card which was a group one with all the spies, which might hint at how Miyoshi and Odagiri have the worst compatibility.

**5\. Miyoshi and Kaminaga not knowing how to cook:** This one is just a personal headcanon based on the fact that in a drama cd, although they’re both in the cooking club, they never know… and on how, if they come from rich families as hinted in the novel, it’s possible they never had to cook for themselves.

**6\. Miyoshi’s tea:** Always in a drama cd Miyoshi shows he’s good at making tea (and that he does so using Yūki’s tea leaves) and it’s hinted he likes tea so I kept that trait here as well.

**7\. Tea and cyanide:** Miyoshi’s words come from the fact that Schneider was killed with cyanide. Hence the reference to it.

**8\. Sakuma and German language:** Students of the Imperial Japanese Army Academy would also have to learn, among the other things, German, English and Russian. The novel states Sakuma was one of the best students which explains why Sakuma knows English in the _‘Joker Game’_ episode and how he should be familiar with German in this story. It’s just my personal headcanon that, despite knowing it, Sakuma doesn’t feel confident when he uses German language.

**9\. Sakuma and poker:** Canonically Sakuma’s only hobby is poker and he’s good at playing it, keeping a neutral expression when he must and revealing his thoughts only when they can do no harm. In fact it’s not that Sakuma betrayed himself during the poker/joker game, it’s just that the others were peeking at his cards and signaling at the other players. We also see that when Mutō scolds him Sakuma manages to keep a neutral expression through all the time (okay, so, for a moment in the anime he smiled but in the novel he didn’t even make that). So yes, Sakuma is good at keeping a neutral expression.

**10\. Miyoshi and Odagiri’s task:** Odagiri was assigned his own task after everyone else has left and the door had been closed behind them so, unless they stopped in front of it to eavesdrop, none of the other boys know which task had been given to Odagiri. And I’m assuming they didn’t eavesdrop because they knew that, if Yūki waited for them to be out it was because he didn’t want them to know… and he’ll know if they were to stop there and try to eavesdrop, so he would take countermeasures against it, making the attempt useless, hence that’s why they didn’t even try.

**11\. The best three at D Agency:** It’s a personal headcanon here but my thoughts are that Miyoshi, Kaminaga and Odagiri are overall the best three students at D Agency, though each of them has things he’s better at and the others can surpass them in some things. It’s just a judgement on how complete they are as spies not a _‘they top everyone else in everything’_ sort of judgement. Feel free to disagree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so someone might notice that, for once, there’s not a lot of historical research in this one because… well, this (as well as a couple of AU fanfics) was written while I was on holiday and without internet access so I had no way to make researches and so I could only plan a fic that would go using canon only (and well, what I remembered of what I had researched in the past). Sorry about this.
> 
> Now… most of this fic was meant to be in **‘Sorrowful wind’** in form of flashbacks… in the end I decided to turn it in a whole 4 chapters fic as well, it would be more streamlined to read it as a sidestory than place endless flashback in **‘Sorrowful wind’** or make only small flashbacks but then explain everything in the notes.
> 
> Now… technically this takes place after **‘A Learning Experience’** so Sakuma and Miyoshi’s relation has already started to evolve quite a bit. And yes, as I’ve mentioned in the notes, I know that in the canon timeline Sakuma probably should have left the boys already but… sorry, please, allow me this minor canon divergence.
> 
> Said all this I hope you’ll enjoy this story and will follow it till it’s end.


	2. Chapter 2

When Yūki came back and found Sakuma reading a book with Miyoshi sleeping next to him, his head resting on Sakuma’s lap and his form covered by Sakuma’s jacket he wasn’t surprised. At all.

It wasn’t the first time Miyoshi exchanged Sakuma for his own personal pillow, after all.

Actually Yūki knew the first time Miyoshi had attempted this, he was only trying to annoy the First Lieutenant and make fun of him and that the prank had turned against him when, not only Sakuma had ultimately let him do as he prefers… but Miyoshi truly ended up falling deeply asleep. Yūki wondered if Sakuma had realized this was a hint Miyoshi, in his own way, trusted him enough he ended up completely lowering his guard around him, which was quite an accomplishment as Miyoshi usually trusted no one. Maybe Sakuma had. Considering their respective positions, Yūki wasn’t sure if this was good or bad.

Anyway Sakuma greeted him, looking at him with that frustrated gaze that he always had when Miyoshi managed to get things his way but didn’t move from where he was. Yūki was pretty sure that it was more so as not to awake Miyoshi than because Yūki wouldn’t want him to stand at attention because he had entered in the room.

“Toss him off the couch,” Yūki suggested, though he couldn’t avoid sounding amused. “It’ll teach him once and for all not to do it again.” It would be interesting if Sakuma were to try to do it. Yūki was sure that Miyoshi had been sleeping when he’d been all alone with Sakuma but that as soon as he had joined them, that brat that Miyoshi could be when he wanted to, had fully awakened and was merely feigning sleep. He wasn’t fooling Yūki. He wondered if he was fooling Sakuma. It was hard to say, even for Yūki, but he still decided not to tattle Miyoshi out. At least not openly.

“He said he was tired…” Sakuma grumbled as a way to excuse that situation because truth was Sakuma yelled and scolded and complained but ultimately always covered up for Yūki’s students to the point that, despite all they did and the times they drove him up a wall, he never ended up on reporting them to the General Staff Headquarters. “I think he had a stressing day.”

What Sakuma didn’t say but Yūki could read between lines was that Sakuma as well had a stressing day… but Sakuma, being higher in ranking compared to Miyoshi, would put the matter aside. If only he were given the chance, Sakuma would probably become a good commander who’ll care about his underlings deeply… but the world they were in, wasn’t working in Sakuma’s favour. Pity.

Yūki was grateful though. Even if he and Sakuma had had a lot of discussions… the man had been the best thing he could hope to have as a liaison for his students. He really didn’t look forward to when Mutō will end up taking Sakuma way from D Agency. He kept whose thoughts for himself though.

“He argued again with Odagiri, you mean,” Yūki corrected him. Of course he was aware of how Miyoshi and Odagiri always ended up rubbing each other the wrong way and of how Odagiri, being in the peculiar emotional state he was, could end up on reacting for once, and how this would affect Miyoshi… and he also could easily figure out what neither Sakuma nor Miyoshi himself had.

That the reason why Miyoshi was back here, sleeping with his head on Sakuma’s lap, instead than outside with the others was that the argument had upset Miyoshi enough he instinctively went and searched for the company of the only one person in the Agency whose words were always honest and that truly cared for him, although in his own peculiar way.

“You’ll have to ask Miyoshi about the details of how his day went,” Sakuma replied. Evidently he considered whatever Miyoshi had told him as a confidential matter and, even if he knew he wouldn’t fool Yūki, he wouldn’t give him info.

_‘I don’t engage in cowardly behaviour like spying.’_

A year spent in D Agency and Sakuma still was as stubborn on that matter as he had been when he got there.

“I see,” Yūki agreed smoothly, deciding to respect the man’s determination, even though he couldn’t say he approved it. That behaviour would only end up putting him in trouble… no, actually he was in trouble already. Sakuma after all **__was__** already on Mutō’s black list. It was only a matter of time before the man would send Sakuma on the frontlines.

His refusal to work as a spy for anyone, be it Mutō or Yūki, as well as his refusal to boycott D Agency, had become Sakuma’s downfall and Yūki had no way to prevent it. At least not at the moment. Maybe never.

Sakuma’s voice though, startled him out of his dark thoughts.

“Lieutenant Colonel… are the others allowed to know which task was given to Odagiri?”

“Miyoshi wanted to know about it, didn’t he?” Yūki asked back, again amused by how the situation had developed. Miyoshi was starting to learn that, if asked in the right way, Sakuma could have his uses as a source of information and help. It was a good development for his grown as a spy as he would have to deal with many people in the future and getting a spontaneous cooperation was always better than forcing one, and understanding from who he could get it could turn out vital for him in the future.

“I would like to know if I can talk about it or not,” Sakuma insisted, implying it wasn’t just for Miyoshi that he was making that question. It probably wasn’t just for him… but clearly Miyoshi had instigated all this. Still, Sakuma seemed more worried than usual about this, even though it was clear it wasn’t some big military secret. Yūki had no problems to guess why.

“Do you think Odagiri won’t manage to accomplish his task?” he asked instead than replying.

“Actually I don’t see why he should have problems…” but the tone with which Sakuma said it, hinted than even if he couldn’t see the reason, Sakuma thought it was likely Odagiri had reasons that could cause him to fail. Yūki would have liked to have the chance to train Sakuma. The man was clever enough to guess this wasn’t just _‘a case’_ for Odagiri… but he still couldn’t grasp why.

“Tell them then. It’s not a secret.” The reply though didn’t put Sakuma at ease.

“Odagiri won’t have problems, will he?” he asked in the end, going for a direct approach to the matter, as usual. Sakuma didn’t really like to be subtle or to beat around the bush.

“Overcoming the problems this case will give him is **__his__** test, he can’t become a spy if he doesn’t,” Yūki stated, confirming what Sakuma had believed, that cases were assigned according to them having specific difficulties that would affect a certain spy and not the others. “It’s no time to worry about this though. Odagiri still has time to complete his task.”

“…I see…” but despite saying so his expression was troubled and thoughtful. He clearly couldn’t see from where problems could come. Yūki would have been more willing to explain if he hadn’t known Miyoshi was likely eavesdropping everything. He didn’t mind tipping Sakuma in the right direction here and there… but, in regard to Miyoshi, the other had to manage with what he had.

“What about Schneider’s death? Will it affect Odagiri’s results?”

_‘Oh,’_ Yūki thought. _‘This was interesting. It seems Sakuma had caught up with the core of the problem… but how much had he got of it?’_

“Why should it?”

“Miyoshi said there was basically no chance for someone to kill Schneider while the man was under Odarigi’s watch. Yet Odagiri thinks there was,” Sakuma pointed out.

“So who of the two do you think is wrong?”

Miyoshi’s interest was completely caught at that. Of course, as Yūki had assumed, Miyoshi was merely faking sleep. Miyoshi didn’t really think he could fool the spymaster and wasn’t even sure he was fooling Sakuma-san since the man was being rather cautious in what he was saying. He just kept quiet because he found interesting to witness Yūki-san and Sakuma-san interact.

Besides… though he had made a similar question to Sakuma-san… this one was a lot more straightforward. Who was the one Sakuma-san believed the most between Miyoshi and Odagiri? Miyoshi really wanted to know this one. Still, Sakuma-san’s reply managed to leave him completely speechless.

“Neither is wrong. Isn’t that the problem?”

This wasn’t possible. Their positions were completely opposite. Miyoshi claimed no one could have killed the man and Odagiri insisted he had been killed and…

_‘Odagiri is more knowledgeable on this matter than the two of us put together. If he says someone might have killed him… I guess it could be possible.’_

Oh. So that was what Sakuma-san was worrying about. Yes, if Sakuma-san was right this was definitely a problem and, as a result of it, Schneider’s death was bound to affect the result of Odagiri’s graduation case. Still Miyoshi couldn’t see how Odagiri could make such mistake. Because the only way for both Miyoshi and Odagiri’s sentences to be true was that Odagiri, at a certain point, had dropped watching Schneider through he hadn’t shared that detail with them… but they were talking of Odagiri here, a guy that if he were told to keep on watching someone, would even stop blinking to make sure to never let him out of his sight. It just wasn’t possible Odagiri would stop watching Schneider…

Yet, according to Sakuma-san, this case presented an element that would be Odagiri’s weakness or something like that. Was this something capable to affect Odagiri that much he’ll drop watching his target? What was the task Yūki-san had given to Odagiri then? Did it regard it? Was it Odagiri’s chance to rehabilitate himself?

Yūki-san didn’t reply though but, evidently, he still managed to deliver a message to Sakuma-san, who sighed.

“I don’t understand though. Odagiri is not… someone who would be troubled by…”

The way Sakuma-san said it seemed to confirm the idea the man believed there could be a connection between Odagiri’s task and the cause of his distraction… yet couldn’t see how whatever Odagiri had been tasked to do, would be connected to Odagiri’s weakness. Meaning he thought it was someone else among them who had this weakness. But who?

Yūki-san chuckled.

“No matter how perfectly a spy is trained till he gets to the point his reactions differ so much from the norm he might not seem human anymore. Ultimately they all still have all the weaknesses proper to humans,” the man clarified. “That’s why this is their final test. To make them aware of their weak sides and see if they can overcome them.”

“Odagiri doesn’t have such weakness,” Sakuma-san stated firmly. Not helpful, Sakuma-san. Odagiri has plenty of not-weak sides, Miyoshi needed a better hint to figure out things.

Yūki smiled. Sakuma wasn’t wrong, Odagiri didn’t have the weakness **__Sakuma was thinking about__**. For once though, he wasn’t going to set him straight. Probably Sakuma and Miyoshi both would learn more by digging into this together.

Sakuma frowned, figuring the Lieutenant Colonel wasn’t going to add more. His statement had amused the man so Sakuma knew he was off track somewhere… but he couldn’t see where. The Lieutenant Colonel then motioned to leave when Sakuma spoke up again.

“Lieutenant Colonel… what I told you when you assigned this case… I meant it.” The man paused and nodded at him. Then, without adding another word, he left. Sakuma frowned, knowing if the Lieutenant Colonel hadn’t commented, it probably meant he too had no idea how Odagiri would do, then his frown deepened further as he realized somehow during the discussion he had ended up on start petting Miyoshi’s hair.

Really, okay, Sakuma liked cats a lot and Miyoshi had a lot in common with cats but this was no excuse. Miyoshi didn’t need to be encouraged in considering Sakuma’s lap as his sleeping spot. He already had to deal with Yoru for that.

“Are you going to keep on pretending to sleep for long?” he asked grumpily, pocking Miyoshi’s cheek. Predictably, the other’s eyes opened.

“Yūki-san sort of tattled me out, didn’t he?” Miyoshi asked him.

“He’s more talkative when he thinks you aren’t listening, yes. If he felt the need to be wary of what he was saying, then he needed to have a reason to do it,” Sakuma admitted.

“If I were to say I didn’t want to intrude in your conversation would you believe it?”

“Not in the slightest,” Sakuma stated in a deadpan tone.

“Fine, then you force me to confess I was comfortable like that and didn’t want to move,” Miyoshi replied with a long suffering sigh as he sat up. His words weren’t a complete lie though he did his best to make them sound like one, as he collected Sakuma-san’s jacket and folded it before handing it to the man, his own way to thank him for it.

“You’re such a nuisance. Really, the worst of the whole bunch,” Sakuma-san commented as he took his jacket back. Miyoshi chuckled as he knew the man’s tone had been a fond one.

“So can I know now? Which was Odagiri’s task?”

“Oh. So you want to know then?” Miyoshi gave him a look. Sakuma grinned but complied with his request. “Odagiri was told to investigate the woman that was at the scene. That was it.”

Miyoshi blinked.

“The woman?” How in the world a woman could be a weakness for Odagiri? Or there was more on the matter than it looked like? “There were two women at the scene. Which one was he supposed to investigate?”

“Your guess is as good as mine. The Lieutenant Colonel didn’t specify. Which means Odagiri would have guessed it just by this.” Which also meant, Miyoshi translated, that Odagiri knew he was weak to one of the two women.

“It still too weird. Odagiri has no weakness whatsoever regarding women. He’s not Kaminaga or Amari. Women don’t distract him, not even if they were to show up naked and jump on him. Actually men don’t distract him either. The whole human species isn’t capable to distract Odagiri once he’s focused on a task. Really, I don’t know what’ll distract him but it’s surely **NOT** people.”

In the whole D Agency no one seemed capable to figure out what Odagiri was into. He regarded men and women with no interest whatsoever… so none of them couldn’t really get where his interest lied. Not even Fukumoto had an idea about it and he was the most invested among all of them in finding out. It was simply too weird to assume that now, all of sudden, while on a case, a woman managed to catch his interest so much he stopped paying attention to Schneider to focus on her.

“I know. That’s why it makes no sense,” Sakuma agreed… and that was also why he had figured out that Miyoshi had no idea what had been Odagiri’s task. No way Miyoshi would have found logic a woman would manage to distract Odagiri.

Really, it was absurd… unless he was looking at this from the wrong perspective?

“You’re an Army man like Odagiri. Which of the two women would affect you more?”

“Who says Odagiri is from the Army?” All the D Agency members’ profiles had the students’ history completely blacked out. No one was supposed to know about their past or about their true names. If those info had somehow leaked… it was going to be a serious trouble.

“Really, isn’t that obvious enough?” Miyoshi gave him an annoyed look that seemed to say he didn’t need to go check on Odagiri’s profile to figure out such simple things. Sakuma-san shrugged. He too had made his fair share of speculations in regards to the students but, concerning Odagiri…

“I don’t really know.”

“You don’t know? Doesn’t he look from the Army to you?” Miyoshi was interested now. Sakuma-san’s ground of expertise was the Army. Of course Odagiri wasn’t blatantly acting like a soldier but still… to Miyoshi and the others he felt as if he was acting enough as one of them. Sakuma-san seemed to consider this.

“I don’t know. Odagiri has many traits of an Army soldier and the knowledge proper to one and yet… he misses _‘something’_. As if he failed somewhere along his training… which shouldn’t be possible as Odagiri is good.”

“Can we please not turn this into another _‘praising Odagiri fest’_?”

“You’re the one who asked, weren’t you?” Miyoshi sighed.

“Fine, whatever, I’m not really interested in Odagiri’s past… no wait. Do you think that there’s something that could have hampered his training that is also being a weakness right now?”

“Not a woman. Besides we’re probably off track as the mere suggestion amused the Lieutenant Colonel,” Sakuma-san reported.

“Then it’s not it,” Miyoshi stated. As far as Miyoshi knew Odagiri’s known weakness were only he was poor at handling alcohol, he was occasionally too nice and he was bad at interacting with people. However, unless Odagiri was hiding he had messed up big time, Miyoshi didn’t think any of them was related to this matter as it simply wasn’t possible that, instead than checking on Schneider, Odagiri had gotten himself drunk or… had spent time helping an old woman crossing the road. “Then what else could be that Odagiri is weak against that could be connected to a woman? None of the two women look like she could be related to Odagiri and, though Odagiri is a good poker player, I’m willing to bet he didn’t know neither previously, don’t you also think so?” If they were to figure out what Odagiri was weak against… well, Miyoshi believed it would turn useful to him sooner or later. It was always a good thing to be one step forward everyone else and know all their weak sides. It was knowledge what gave people true power after all.

Sakuma sighed.

“Well, I guess it’s gotten late enough. I should go to bed,” he stated as he stood. Miyoshi gave him a levelled glance.

“Is my conversation boring you, Sakuma-san?” Sakuma blinked, looking clearly surprised at the accusation.

“That’s not it and you know it. I just…”

“Oh, please. I’m a big boy and I can take it.” Miyoshi got it often enough from the others, after all. They complained about him being too prone to say unnecessary things, too nitpicky and too prone to criticize others. Miyoshi disagreed, of course, but this didn’t help matters any. “I thought Sakuma-san was the honest type though,” he added. The jab was meant to hurt and they both knew.

However, instead than complain or attack back, Sakuma-san sat down again as Miyoshi had wanted, though he didn’t look at him.

“I’m not bored by your conversation.” Far from it, really. As far as Sakuma was involved Miyoshi’s conversations were all interesting… when he wasn’t trying to be offensive. “I just don’t want to discuss this.”

“Why not?” The puzzled way Miyoshi asked it, hinted clearly he believed Sakuma was telling the truth but saw no problems about their discussion. Sakuma found it sad how Miyoshi, despite all his intelligence, couldn’t see the wrongness in what they were doing.

“It doesn’t seem fair toward Odagiri, that’s why. He’s having enough troubles already. He doesn’t need us to speculate about his weakness and digging into his past… a past we aren’t supposed to know, mind you, and we’re doing this without his permission,” Sakuma tried to explain but Miyoshi only seem to grow annoyed again at that.

“And we should be fair toward Odagiri why?”

True, Miyoshi didn’t believe in fairness but Sakuma could see the problem ran deeper.

“Miyoshi. Are you really still angry at Odagiri because he snapped at you?”

There are gazes that are worth more than one thousand words. Miyoshi’s one was even more eloquent.

“Really, you…” Sakuma sighed. Well, it wasn’t really a surprise considering which sort of… _‘prank’_ this brat had pulled on Sakuma… yet… he’d like for Miyoshi and Odagiri to find a way to make up and learn to get along, somehow. Spies or not they were still companions and ultimately Sakuma didn’t give a damn about all the Lieutenant Colonel told him about loneliness and such. Companions should get along.

“If you’re going to tell me again how Odagiri is stressed just save it, I don’t care,” Miyoshi pointed out. Sakuma didn’t plan to. Taking Odagiri’s side would only irritate Miyoshi further, that much he could understand on his own so… what?

“I wasn’t going to,” he assured anyway. “Fine, let’s make it like this. You’ll tell me exactly how things went between the two of you and I’ll stay and listen. Okay?”

“Is it a diversion tactic? And anyway I’ve already told you what happened.”

“A summarized version. You’ll give me the details so you’ll get to tell me the fine points of how much of a jerk Odagiri was without Odagiri being around to defend himself and, if you’ll tell me the truth, I’ll stay here and listen to you. For speculations about him though, you’re on your own.”

Sakuma knew it still wasn’t very fair toward Odagiri… but it was in the bounds of the acceptable to hear Miyoshi’s version first and put Odagiri’s version on hold. And he had the feeling that, for once, Miyoshi, more than figuring out things, which he could always do later, really, really wanted to vent with someone. Sakuma figured his problems with Odagiri had dragged on for too long leading to a lot of pent up frustration on Miyoshi’s part and Odagiri wasn’t the right person with whom Miyoshi could get some sort of retaliation.

Not only Odagiri usually was smart enough not to get himself in trouble… but if he were to end up in it he’ll act as they’ll slide over him without affecting him. This time it was the only time Odagiri lost it in a whole year, which was a good sign of how upside down it was, but it had also happened with the wrong person. Miyoshi, who wasn’t good at understanding other people’s feelings and being tolerant with them, was taking an accidental outburst too personally.

Lastly, Miyoshi liked to go on about things in great details. If anything this would at least help him to ease his mind a little.

Miyoshi studied Sakuma-san as he considered his proposition.

“You just want to take Odagiri’s side,” he commented, doing his best to sound bored.

“I won’t. For all that’s worth it I really think this time Odagiri messed up,” Sakuma assured.

“Well, since it’s rare to see Sakuma-san curious about something I might tell you. If you don’t interrupt me,” Miyoshi finally agreed. It wasn’t really something he was sure he wanted to discuss. Odagiri had been an idiot but if he really felt like looking at the incident honestly he knew he was overreacting a little and Sakuma-san might end up on pointing that out. Still, even though Odagiri’s theory had been stupid, he’d done his best and even went and reported to him of all the people and… and this was how Odagiri repaid him?

Really, Miyoshi couldn’t stand the way Odagiri always looked at him in disapprobation… it was somewhat similar and yet different to the manner Sakuma-san used to look at them in the beginning…and maybe that was the core of the problem. Odagiri, differently from Sakuma-san, never voiced his complains, yet Miyoshi felt he had a lot of them… and most of them were targeted at Miyoshi as he never seemed to frown at the others as much as he did to him. For all his claiming he didn’t care about other people’s opinion, Miyoshi didn’t like for people to judge him.

Facing Odagiri though would lead Miyoshi nowhere as Odagiri generally refused confrontation, ignoring Miyoshi’s comments and only frustrating him further.

It wasn’t something it could be put in words that would cover the feeling behind the whole situation between him and Odagiri and normally Odagiri wasn’t making anything big enough Miyoshi could have something to complain against him that would give him more than five minutes of attention from the others (besides Fukumoto would always, always take side with Odagiri). This time though, Odagiri had gone a bit over the lines, yes, but Miyoshi was sure the rest of the group wouldn’t listen to his complains for long anyway. Despite Odagiri’s asocial nature many of them liked Odagiri for how he was and the whole of them managed to get along with him better than he did… and this failure in getting along with Odagiri also increased Miyoshi’s irritation as if it was the only one who couldn’t do something that was simple for the others.

And here there was Sakuma-san that was willing to listen to Miyoshi’s complains twice in the same day. The long version of them. Really, he was such a weird man…

“I won’t interrupt,” the man vowed and Miyoshi knew he would keep his word. “Do tell.”

Miyoshi did. In the minute details. Even those that would make the others complain about him being too nitpicky or that he was saying unnecessary things. Sakuma-san listened. In silence as he promised. In silence as Miyoshi had wanted. Ultimately the whole experience felt weird, as if a weight had been lifted off him and Miyoshi had no idea why… but well, never before he had someone who would give him his full attention when Miyoshi was up to complain for silly reasons. Well, weird wasn’t the exact word, good was more like it but Miyoshi didn’t feel like admitting it yet.

Still, he looked at Sakuma-san suspiciously when he had finished, expecting him to try and defend Odagiri anyway.

“All right. I’ll tell Odagiri he owns you an apology.” Miyoshi blinked at that, surprised, confusing Sakuma. “Uh? What?”

“That’s not… quite what I expected you would say,” Miyoshi admitted.

“I told you before. He shouldn’t have blown up to you, even though he believed you were making fun of him.”

“I wasn’t making fun of him, Sakuma-san, I was reporting to him,” Miyoshi reminded him, sounding again annoyed.

“Because that was his case, right? You said he had no idea though. You know, I think he felt so guilty he messed up he didn’t realize it was still **HIS** case. Since you argued with him previously about the case, he probably thought you and the others were reporting to him to smack on his face his theory was wrong… as Odagiri isn’t really that good at figuring out how other people feel about him… and since this time he was stressed more than usual, he overreacted. In the Army it happens all the time…” he explained with a shrug. “He was in the wrong through, so yes, he owes you an apology.”

Miyoshi stared. He never quite bothered to see the whole matter from Odagiri’s point of view, which was probably going to be stupid and uninteresting anyway, he just thought Odagiri was being an incompetent fool for not realizing it was still his case and lazing off while Miyoshi and the others were seriously working and then he even had the gall to yell at Miyoshi for no reason at all. If one were to put it the way Sakuma-san was putting it though… Odagiri might really not have realized Miyoshi was trying to be helpful despite their difference in opinion.

Maybe, for this once, Miyoshi could let it slide.

“You’re really the weirdest person I know, Sakuma-san,” he stated, but he was leaning on the man’s shoulder again and still finding it comfortable. “And anyway there’s no need for you to get involved. I didn’t tell you because I was searching your protection or anything.” If he were to be honest with himself…Miyoshi wasn’t sure why he had involved Sakuma-san in all this in the first place. He just… He closed his eyes. He didn’t really want to think at this now. He was comfortable. He didn’t want to ruin this by thinking at uncomfortable things.

“I can lend you my jacket again if you want,” Sakuma-san offered. “But as for me I’m going to bed now. It’s late… and playing pillow for you is nowhere as comfortable as being in my bed.” Miyoshi deliberately pouted the way an adult shouldn’t be allowed to pout, knowing for some weird reason Sakuma-san was weak against it.

“I thought Sakuma-san was a man who could stand some little discomfort.”

“You really…” Miyoshi grinned. Sakuma sighed but the whole matter amused him more than exasperated him. “I don’t even know why I put up with you,” he stated, standing up and tossing his jacket at Miyoshi.

“Because I’ve a charming personality, that’s why.” Miyoshi replied smoothly standing up as well and handing Sakuma his jacket back. “If you’ll go to bed, I’ll go to. There would be no fun in remaining here if I can’t bug you.” He expected Sakuma-san to complain at that… not to study him with an unreadable expression.

“Ne, Miyoshi, now promise me something?”

“What do you want?” he asked curiously.

“When it’ll be your turn… you’ll let nothing stress you and will pass this with flying colours.” Sakuma-san was way too serious for such a simple request, which was really odd. It made Miyoshi uncomfortable so he tried to hide it by taking it lightly.

“Don’t be absurd, Sakuma-san, of course I…” Sakuma-san took Miyoshi’s face in his hands, startling him and making sure Miyoshi wouldn’t be able to turn away from him.

“No. Promise me. Seriously. I’ll believe you if you do it.” Miyoshi stared at him. It really didn’t make sense because, although Miyoshi was sure he would have no troubles, he knew that, in the remote case he were wrong, it wasn’t like just making a promise would insure he could, promising something wouldn’t decide anything and anyway why Sakuma-san cared… and yet… it seemed so important for Sakuma-san… as if it was really a matter of life and death for him…

“I swear it,” he replied, seeing no harm in this. Sakuma-san rested his forehead against Miyoshi, the closest they’d ever been from when they had known each other. If he were to manoeuvre a little they could even kiss and…

“Thank you,” the man said simply yet in a raw tone that implied the promise mattered a lot for the man. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” It was hard to keep the confusion out of his tone. Then, as abruptly as he had started it, Sakuma-san broke the contact, straightening up, increasing Miyoshi’s puzzlement.

“Take care, Miyoshi. And goodnight.” The man’s hands lingered on his cheeks for a second longer before leaving him to wonder about what had just happened. What was supposed to mean all this? Was it supposed to be Sakuma-san making a move on him? But if this was the case… why hadn’t he continued? Why had he contented himself with just pressing their foreheads close?

That contact though… and the way Sakuma-san had held his face…they hadn’t been unpleasant. Actually Miyoshi would have liked it if they had continued, if the man had done something more, if they had ended up on...

Really, Miyoshi didn’t remember someone ever touching him like that… or giving him such a nice feeling with such a tame touch. Odd and it left Miyoshi with no idea about what to think as, frowning slightly, he moved to follow Sakuma-san, the thoughts about getting back at Odagiri for the way he’d handled him completely forgotten in face of this new development.

“Sakuma-san… say… Since I’ve made a promise to you… then promise me something as well,” he requested as he reached the man and began walking next to him.

“A promise? What is it you want, Miyoshi?” Sakuma-san gave him an honestly curious glance. Miyoshi grinned.

“Promise me you’ll become a Colonel quickly,” he stated. Sakuma-san paused in his track, his eyes widening in surprise.

“Are you out of mind? If this is a joke, it’s not funny, Miyoshi! How do you expect me to manage doing it?! I didn’t even get to go to the Army College!” the man began protesting.

Miyoshi shrugged.

“It’s not a joke and anyway Yūki-san doesn’t think much of the Army College so you shouldn’t give it all that importance. After all I doubt Yūki-san went to it either and he’s a Lieutenant Colonel even though no one in the Army can stand him. Considering this, surely someone like Sakuma-san can manage to become a Colonel with ease,” Miyoshi commented smoothly.

“Really you… the Lieutenant Colonel is a special case, he’s the sort of stuff legends are made of, someone who accomplished amazing tasks during the war. In the Army they don’t call him Demon King and talk as if he were the hero of some sort of child novel just for fun. It’s not as easy as you make it to reach his level. And you expect me to rise even higher?”

“Let’s say I’ve utmost faith in Sakuma-san’s ability,” Miyoshi said simply, shrugging as if he wasn’t demanding anything too difficult, really. Sakuma sighed. Well, at least it didn’t seem Miyoshi was trying to prank him so maybe he really didn’t understand what he was asking of him.

“You’ve no idea how the Army works, that’s your problem… or maybe you had but just pretend it doesn’t really matter in the long run when it actually does. A lot,” he stated with a sigh. Besides Sakuma knew his days were counted and that he’ll end up on the frontlines soon, possibly in a position that wouldn’t allow him to come back to Japan alive and, Sakuma was willing to bet, without promoting him first. Really, if he were to manage to become a captain before dying it would already be a big accomplishment. “Besides it’s not like I’ve big ambitions for my future so what does it matters to you if I become a Colonel or not?” 

“Easy. I’m going to replace Yūki-san soon so, if you’ll become a Colonel quickly and replace your current superior officer, it’ll be with you I’ll have to deal with for funds and such and it’ll make things much easier for me,” Miyoshi explained with a confident smile.

“You’ll replace… you haven’t even yet passed…” _‘your graduation case’_ Sakuma wanted to say but well, Miyoshi just promised him he would and Sakuma had told him he would believe him if he were to promise, so really neither of them had a single reason to doubt Miyoshi wouldn’t pass it.

Actually Sakuma realized he didn’t want Miyoshi to doubt he would pass it. He didn’t want Miyoshi to end up feeling stressed and making mistakes. He wanted Miyoshi to pass that case smoothly and accomplish whatever Miyoshi wanted to accomplish and rise as high as whatever Miyoshi wanted to rise… even if he didn’t think he’ll be there to see it. So maybe trying to humble Miyoshi down for once wouldn’t be the best course of action… not that it had ever worked once either…

“Fine, fine, maybe if it’s you, you can make it but, in the remote chance I’ll manage to replace Colonel Mutō, which I don’t think will be ever possible, mind you, don’t expect funds from me. You know how I feel about spies and spy schools. Actually I’ll catch the first chance to gladly close down this place forever,” he commented with a grin. Miyoshi grinned back. Yes, Sakuma-san didn’t like spies and spy schools… but he wouldn’t close down the place, at least not as long as he were thinking it was of some use. It took him time but, in his own way, Sakuma-san had learnt to recognize their own worth even if he still didn’t like their methods. No, Miyoshi knew Sakuma-san’s words were merely the man wishful thinking that a day might come in which spies wouldn’t be needed any longer than a hint to a real plan to cause them troubles. That and Sakuma-san’s way to make a joke. Well, the man could improve his sense of humour but Miyoshi wasn’t going to point that out. Actually he was more than willing to play along.

“So you say now but wait once I’ll lead this place.”

“Honestly, I don’t even dare to think at how this place would end up if this were to happen. You’ll present a bill for quality food that will be higher than the funds the Marine gave for the constructions of fighter aircrafts…”

“Eating quality food is important. If we don’t get picky with our food, then we’re no different than cattle,” Miyoshi answered in a serious tone. They stared at each other then Sakuma-san couldn’t help it but start chuckling, and, since somehow Miyoshi found Sakuma-san’s laugh very infectious, he ended up on doing the same as well.

“You’re terrible. The worst of them all, really,” Sakuma-san said again, but his tone was still fond and Miyoshi decided that really, the man meant no offense by that. However, when Sakuma-san moved to resume on walking, he stopped him by grabbing his arm.

“What about my promise, Sakuma-san?” he reminded him. “Usually I’m not interested in people promising me things, as I know they don’t care about breaking promises… but I also know Sakuma-san is not like that. What you promise, you do. So promise me, Sakuma-san. Promise me you’ll become a Colonel and will take Colonel Mutō’s place.”

In the Imperial Army that was filled of people who wanted to get rid of them… Sakuma-san was the only one Miyoshi trusted, the only one he was sure wouldn’t backstab them. If Sakuma-san were to replace Colonel Mutō… he would be able to count on someone high in ranking who’ll support him from inside the Army. An enviable asset not even Yūki-san had. It seemed a good, profitable deal for Miyoshi… and his words had been structured to sound as persuasive as possible to Sakuma-san, whom he knew was more prone to comply to requests when Miyoshi was honest with him and appealed to his sense of honour. What Miyoshi didn’t realize though, was that there was more in his words than just the wish to have Sakuma-san do what he requested and gain an future ally in the Army.

Even assuming that, by some sort of miracle, that Sakuma were to manage to become a Colonel and replace Colonel Mutō instead than just die in war, it’ll be years before he’ll accomplish it, years in which people usually could and would change. Yet Miyoshi was sure this wouldn’t happen to Sakuma-san, that he would remain the same, no matter how high he were to rise or what he were to experience. That faith was in stark contrast with his cynical nature. And that request…

Miyoshi, bright and calculative Miyoshi, hadn’t consciously realized yet Sakuma-san’s days were counted, that his superior officer planned to toss him in the heat of the battle so as to get rid of him once he had finished with using him as Liaison. Miyoshi could see that Sakuma-san was smart and knowledgeable enough for an Army soldier and that the man could have many other uses for the Army just by remaining in Tokyo, he couldn’t think Colonel Mutō would waste him, sending him on the frontlines to die, on a petty grudge. No. He actually could have seen it with ease… it was just subconsciously he didn’t want to, he refused to even consider the option.

As the Lieutenant Colonel Yūki had said to Sakuma, spies were still humans, and could still be blinded by their own weaknesses. Miyoshi could easily see that Sakuma-san wouldn’t remain forever there in D Agency, playing Liaison between them and the Army. Sooner or later his work as Liaison would end and, since Sakuma-san didn’t plan to become a spy or even a handler, well, while Miyoshi would end up on working undercover in another country for likely years, Sakuma would end up being assigned to some other place, the whole thing effectively causing them to part ways… and possibly never meeting each other again. Miyoshi could reason things till here, could reason they would end up on different paths, paths that might not cross again. His brain simply refused to consider the option that Sakuma-san’s path could be abruptly and deliberately cut in a really close future… even if it was open to acknowledge it could be stopped from intersecting with his own for other reasons.

If Sakuma-san were to replace Colonel Mutō though… and Miyoshi were to take the Lieutenant Colonel’s place… their paths would be forced to cross again, their paths would remain tied together even if the ways they planned to go through their lives were different and… for some odd reason Miyoshi wasn’t really investigating deeply… to him Sakuma-san had grown to be more than someone with a pleasing looking body. He was someone he didn’t want to let go. Even if at the moment Sakuma-san was unwilling to cross a certain bridge… things could always change in the future. Maybe Sakuma-san himself could change them from the inside if he were to get a ranking that would give the power to do so. Maybe.

Miyoshi had no idea. He knew how to be patient though.

Still… Miyoshi was doing his best to keep all those thoughts buried so deep in his mind he could almost pretend they didn’t exist. After all his silly and irrational wish to have Sakuma-san around for purposes that weren’t helpful to his own goals wasn’t that important… even if actually it was strong enough that, without it, that discussion wouldn’t have taken place.

Still Sakuma-san didn’t immediately answered to his request, just stared at him, his gaze unreadable.

In a way… it felt unfair not to warn Miyoshi, not to warn him it was unlikely Sakuma would manage to come back from the front. It felt unfair to let him harbour the belief Sakuma had a future ahead of himself, a future he could plan, a future in which he could meet Miyoshi again and help him reach his goals. However, it would also be unfair to let him know the truth, that because he hadn’t boycotted them he had almost outlived his usefulness and that all Colonel Mutō longed for in those days was to politely sentence him to death on the battleground.

In a convoluted Miyoshi-way, Miyoshi was merely asking him to support him once he’ll manage to be assigned to the hard task of handling this place, to support him against all the sharks in the Imperial Army that were out for D Agency members’ blood. He was accepting Sakuma didn’t want to become a spy but remain a soldier and was simply asking him to cover his back from his position in the General Staff Headquarters. Miyoshi, who believed words like ‘comradeship’ and ‘trust’ had no real value… was placing his faith in him and Sakuma would have liked, more than everything, be capable to answer to that trust, be capable to watch his back, to make sure Miyoshi could fulfil all his dreams, to remove from his path all the obstacles the Lieutenant Colonel had instead to face.

They had been born in the wrong era. If things had been different…

In that moment… as he stared at him, Miyoshi seemed even slightly younger than he was… and really, if they had been born in a different time… if they had been born in a different period they could have…

But they were born in this time, Sakuma reminded himself, and they could only follow the rules of this time.

“Exactly because when I make a promise I mean to keep it, I can’t make a promise I’m not sure I’m capable to keep, Miyoshi,” he stated with a sigh. He saw the other frowning.

“Sakuma-san…” he began but Sakuma-san cut him, his hand coming to grasp Miyoshi’s shoulder.

“So you’ll have to content with this. I promise I’ll do all I can, to do what you asked of me. I can’t promise I’ll accomplish it… I’ll just try as hard as it’ll be possible.” The man’s gaze was so serious as he said it, so firm. Miyoshi knew he meant every word he was saying. “Mind you though, I won’t recur to dirty tricks no matter what,” he warned him with a half smile. Miyoshi smiled back. Yes, he knew Sakuma-san would never use dirty tricks, no matter what. He didn’t expect him to.

“All right. It’ll suffice. If you promise you’ll do all you can, it’ll suffice. I know I can count on Sakuma-san to accomplish all he sets his heart to accomplish… sooner or later… so you’ll surely become a Colonel as I want… though you’ll better make sure to be promoted into one before it’ll be my time for retirement,” Miyoshi teased.

“You…” Sakuma trailed off, at loss for words. That brat… it wasn’t enough he made him promise… He also had to act as if he could really believe Sakuma could accomplish such task merely by being determinate enough… as if Sakuma could really hope to… “You…” His fingers tightened on Miyoshi’s shoulder then he shook his head, trying to chase away such thoughts, such feelings. “Have I ever told you, you’re the worst of the whole bunch?”

Miyoshi wasn’t exactly sure what had gone through the man’s mind before he said so but let it slide. For once he wasn’t sure he’d like to know.

“I’m afraid you did. Many times, Sakuma-san,” he replied with an obviously fake, long suffering sigh. They stared at each other a moment longer, Miyoshi still grasping Sakuma-san’s arm, the man still holding Miyoshi’s shoulder then Sakuma-san broke contact to… lightly pat his head? Caress it? Miyoshi wasn’t sure, though it seemed that, in doing so, the man had at least paid attention not to mess up Miyoshi’s hair. Miyoshi appreciated it.

“It’s late. Let’s get to bed,” he stated then.

“All right,” Miyoshi agreed in a light tone as he knew there wasn’t anything else he could say right then. As he knew that, at the moment, it was better to pretend that all the things that remained unsaid between them and that, for once, Miyoshi didn’t quite how to put in words, didn’t actually exist. It was complicate to deal with this man, this man so odd and different from everyone he ever met before… yet so alluring he could never get tired of him, no matter how exasperating he could be some days.

In given time… Miyoshi believed he would solve the puzzle that Sakuma-san was, would understand why the man draw him so. In given time. Sadly he had no idea their time was running scarily short.

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

**1\. Sakuma, Yūki and Mutō:** Sakuma’s fate in the anime and in the novel is left unknown but D no Maō fundamentally said that as he isn’t an useful tool for Mutō any longer, the man sent him on the frontlines (which is the fate of whoever joins D Agency and doesn’t manage to graduate as a spy). Yūki would like to spare Sakuma from this fate… but as Sakuma turned down joining D Agency as a spy, there’s nothing the man can do as not only Mutō is Sakuma’s direct superior officer but he also outrank Yūki.

**2\. Sakuma, cowardly behaviour and spying:** That sentence was fundamentally the first thing Sakuma told about himself beyond his name and ranking. Although he had learnt to appreciate the others and understand they didn’t do it out of cowardice… Sakuma is still holding strongly to his beliefs, which is why he refuses to tattle out what he knows about Miyoshi.

**3\. Yūki’s wish to train Sakuma:** At the end of ‘Joker Game’ Yūki asked Sakuma if he wanted to follow the D Agency training, in short he asked him if he wanted to become a spy, which likely meant he recognized Sakuma had potential despite everything. Sakuma turned his request down which is something that displeases Yūki twice, one because he hoped Sakuma could become a good spy and two because in this way he’ll have to return Sakuma to Mutō who fundamentally wants Sakuma dead.

**4\. Odagiri’s case:** It’s not so clear in the anime but the graduation cases more than a test on the students’ abilities, are a chance for the students to decide whether they will be able to work as spies. If Odagiri can’t get over the fact that Yuriko looks like Chizuru, if he can’t realize this is holding him back and blinding him, he can’t work for Yūki.

**5\. Sakuma figuring out both Miyoshi and Odagiri are right:** I had to cut the explanation for this one but fundamentally Sakuma’s intuition is based on how he trusted **BOTH** their judgements so he had to find a third option that would allow for them both to be right.

**6\. Odagiri’s weakness:** Sakuma and Miyoshi know that Odagiri isn’t the sort of guy who let a woman… or someone else for the matter, distract him so they can’t see why Yuriko would affect Odagiri. Truth to be told, the only reason Odagiri seems to be so caught up by Yuriko is because she looked like Chizuru, who was sort of a parental figure for Odagiri. In short, I doubt he had for her romantic or sexual attraction. However, since Odagiri seems to be prone to keep so distant from others, the two of them can’t imagine, at the moment, in the past he got close to someone. Well, they would have figured out eventually (Miyoshi will get close to it assuming one of the two women might be connected to Odagiri’s past) but Sakuma didn’t want to dig into Odagiri’s past as he thought it was rude and, eventually, they ended up dropping the discussion.

**7\. Yoru:** D Agency’s sort of resident cat. Actually he’s a stray cat who ‘rules’ the area around D Agency but since Fukumoto fed him, he did his best to protect the boys when Mutō’s underlings wanted to cause D Agency to explode, causing Miyoshi to acknowledge him as ‘their cat’. Sakuma doesn’t show up in the OAV but a drama cd had Yoru becoming Sakuma’s pet of some sort (he’s a rather bossy and troublesome pet though) so I guess it would do no harm to have him knowing Yoru. The drama cd also hint at how Sakuma likes cats after all (and LOL, Miyoshi was drawn as a cat in the gadgets and, later he was a cat in a drama cd) so it makes sense Sakuma could like Yoru and end up on letting him do things his ways.

**8\. Kaminaga and Amari:** are sort of the official playboys among the boys. Truth to be told in the anime is hardly hinted but in the drama cd they point this out often.

**9\. Miyoshi talking too much:** In a drama cd Kaminaga complained Miyoshi is prone to talk too much because Miyoshi tossed himself in an explanation about the differences between hotcakes and shortcakes.

**10\. Miyoshi being a brat:** In ‘Joker game’ we see that Miyoshi as a horrid sense of what’s an acceptable prank when he tricks Sakuma into thinking he’ll have to commit Hara-kiri. The Drama cds insist on this line (Miyoshi is often terrible with the others, even his voice actor thinks so) so I guess this is supposed to be a character trait of his… even though ultimately Miyoshi isn’t evil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yes, this continues to be based more on the anime than on history and it focus mostly on Sakuma and Miyoshi’s relationship, how they’re slowly getting close and yet they remain distant and how they’re trying to find a balance between them.
> 
> If you happened to read ‘A learning experience’ you might enjoy seeing how here things has evolved from there.
> 
> Also good parts of this chapters were meant to be flashbacks in **‘Sorrowful Wind’** who’ll have a relevance later on in that fic so they might give you a better idea of that fic background.
> 
> LOL, so far my ‘Joker Game’ fics are all placed in the same universe…
> 
> Said this I hope this chapter didn’t displease you too much and that you’ll stay tuned for the next one.


	3. Chapter 3

In the end Odagiri managed to solve his own case and redeem himself in Miyoshi’s eyes as he figured out who killed Schneider and her connections with the flower shop and the Russian spies. Miyoshi still wasn’t sure what had been Odagiri’s problem, weakness, whatever, but somehow the man had overcome it and this was something Miyoshi could respect. Sort of. Even thought he obviously had no doubts he was much better than Odagiri… well, at least Odagiri had proved he deserved to have spent a year among them.

Of course this didn’t make any more pleasurable the fact that, after Odagiri had reported to Yūki-san, Sakuma-san had invited the man out for the evening. Just the two of them. To celebrate solving his case, Miyoshi supposed. It still was irksome though. Miyoshi had invited Sakuma-san over and over and his invitations had all been turned down and Odagiri instead… Odagiri didn’t need to do anything as Odagiri was the one who **__got invited__** instead. And it wasn’t even the first time Sakuma-san did it.

Miyoshi knew the world wasn’t fair but still he expected better from Sakuma-san. After all, Sakuma-san believed in fairness and wanted to be fair… so why to invite Odagiri twice and when he always turned down Miyoshi’s invitations? Really, it was annoying.

It didn’t help how Kaminaga had told him he was making a big fuss for nothing, Amari had pointed out he was being too nitpicky again and Fukumoto, who actually shouldn’t have liked how Odagiri had gone to celebrate with Sakuma-san and not with them, but had done nothing to stop the thing and was acting as if it wasn’t a big deal really, had said that there was no reason for Miyoshi to worry as Sakuma-san would probably invite them all when they would solve their case and that this time it was just Odagiri’s turn…

…to which Hatano had to remark that, Miyoshi actually should still worry as he might not pass his case and…and well, Miyoshi had retaliated at that, and also tossed at Hatano two or three comments about Hatano’s far than spectacular height… but it didn’t really made things better as the whole thing of Sakuma-san favouring Odagiri over him bugged him through the whole night. There was no helping it, Miyoshi hated to come second best.

Even now, that it was morning, the thought still disturbed him, he mused as he busied himself fixing his hair, determinate to take all the time he needed for that task, especially after Sakuma-san had, as usual, told him not to take the whole morning to fix them.

Why the man always had to say that to him when they both know Miyoshi would do as he pleased was still a mystery Miyoshi couldn’t solve… but Miyoshi had started to think there was some sort of fondness in that recurring warning, which was why normally Miyoshi had started replying to it a deliberately distract _‘yes, yes’_ , fully aware the man wouldn’t scold him any further, no matter how long Miyoshi were to take. After all deep down Sakuma-san seemed to have understood taking care of Miyoshi’s hair needed time.

That morning though… Miyoshi really felt prone to test Sakuma-san’s limits again and see what the man would do if he seriously were to take too long.

His plans were thwarted when Odagiri came back to the dormitory. Fukumoto used to send him to call them when they were being late to eat whatever he cooked… which meant now he would either have to drop being slow to irritate Sakuma-san or deal with an angry Fukumoto later on. As far as Miyoshi was involved, although he found hard to get what went in Fukumoto’s head, he wasn’t scared of him (but maybe he should as Jitsui, of all the people, was and this was worrisome in itself), however he didn’t like to be on Fukumoto’s bad side either… so he probably shouldn’t make him wait.

Odagiri though didn’t speak at first, he just walked until he was close to him then paused in his track. Miyoshi eyed him. Odagiri stared at him, the usual way he did, cold and disapproving. Annoying.

“Well? If Fukumoto needs me to come I’ll be downside once I’m done.”

On a second though Miyoshi decided he didn’t so much minded being on Fukumoto’s bad side, as he resumed combing his hair. Really, why Odagiri too had to be so annoying? He was irritated enough due to Sakuma-san, Odagiri didn’t have to make matters worse.

Odagiri sighed.

“That’s not what I wanted to say,” Odagiri admitted as Miyoshi still made a point to ignore him. Odagiri sighed again. He really wasn’t good at finding words and found uncomfortable to deal with others, especially with Miyoshi but…

“If you’ve something to say get out with it or leave. You’re distracting me,” Miyoshi stated in a cold tone.

Odagiri would have liked to sigh again but admirably resisted to the temptation. He knew Miyoshi was particularly irritated that morning even though he had no idea why. When they had met up at the Shinjuku Akakaze Circle the day before Miyoshi had seemed in a good mood, as if he’d gotten over their argument of the day before, yet now…

Well, there was no point in mulling over this. When Miyoshi was irritated, Miyoshi was irritated and all that could be done was to let him brood on things on his own as no one among them so far had managed to affect his mood. So, if given the choice, Odagiri would have left him alone to sulk… but Odagiri wasn’t given such choice. So he steeled himself and forced himself to speak.

“Miyoshi… I own you an apology for the way I attacked you when you only were making your report.” If Odagiri were to be honest… although he regretted the way he had acted… well, he didn’t manage to sound particularly contrite, his tone formal and forced… but he couldn’t manage to do better so that was all he could do. Weird how he would have found easier to do it if this were to be merely a fake apology… and now instead, that he was being sincere, he didn’t sound as such at all…

Miyoshi frowned and didn’t look at him.

“I don’t need you to apologize to me. Honestly I don’t really care about what you think about me either. I just can’t stand to stupid people.”

“I’m not doing it because you need it. I’m doing it for myself. Because this is the right thing… and, I guess, because when, yesterday night, Sakuma-san ended up on knowing the whole matter, he scolded me for half a hour until I promised I would have apologized and I’ve no idea how long he would scold me if he were to find out I hadn’t done it so I prefer to play safe,” Odagiri explained and there was some odd sort of bittersweet fondness in his tone. As odd as it was he had the feeling he would end up on missing Sakuma-san’s scolding. And Miyoshi’s moods… Hatano’s cheeky remarks…. Kaminaga and Amari’s constant flirting with ladies…. Jitsui’s threats… Tazaki’s magic tricks… Yuuki-san’s stern face… the harsh training… and Fukumoto’s silent companionship… Fukumoto’s companionship over everything else…

This time however Miyoshi turned toward him, blinking.

“Sakuma-san did what?” He told him not to! Why Sakuma-san never listened to him? Wait, does this mean he invited Odagiri out only to chew him in private? Was that it? By how Odagiri spoke about it though, it didn’t look like Sakuma-san tattled out how Miyoshi had complained with him about Odagiri’s actions…

“I made the mistake of mentioning what happened to him…” Odagiri admitted…only it hadn’t been a mistake. It had been deliberate. Because he knew he’d been unfair and he knew Sakuma-san would have scolded him… because, among the eight students at D Agency, Odagiri was the only one that had figured out that in his own way Sakuma-san cared for them and scolding them was one of the ways the man used to express it… and yesterday night, as he was mulling over the many things he’d messed up in his life, over the many things that went wrong in his life and it wasn’t even his fault, Odagiri wanted to be reminded that despite everything, someone cared for him.

“Anyway scolding people is Sakuma-san’s way to show he cares so I guess it’s all right,” he told Miyoshi.

“That man… he’s so…” Miyoshi trailed off. He really had no idea how to define Sakuma-san sometimes. He just was a puzzle, a riddle he couldn’t solve no matter how hard he tried.

“You should be nicer with him, Miyoshi. In his own way he really cares about us.” And especially about you, Odagiri wanted to say but kept it for himself. He had no idea why Sakuma-san seemed to have a weak spot for Miyoshi, who was the one who had more often than not made his best to make Sakuma-san’s life difficult. Sometimes he told himself it was all in his head and it wasn’t possible that Sakuma-san favoured Miyoshi among them, especially considering how Sakuma-san wanted to be fair with all of them and yet… yet… when he looked at the two of them Odagiri thought…

“He cares about you, you mean. You’re the one he dates and… scolds…” Miyoshi corrected him.

Odagiri blinked. The way Miyoshi said it… it seemed to allude to something… only Odagiri couldn’t quite figure out what. Yet this pushed Odagiri to remind him something Miyoshi tended to forget way too often.

“If he hadn’t cared about you also, he would have made sure you’d been kicked out of the place long ago. I can’t really count the many times you gave him plenty of chances to do so. Considering how the higher up in the Army were against us… only a tiny complain from him would have sufficed… and I think you got your share of scolding as well,” he pointed out. Not that Miyoshi really seemed to pay them any attention.

_‘I don’t get to be asked out for a date though,’_ Miyoshi thought but kept for himself. After all it wasn’t like he was jealous of Odagiri. Not in the slightest. He just found annoying how Sakuma-san seemed to prefer Odagiri’s boring company to his own.

“Well, among us you’re the only one who’s asked to spend quality time with him. It’s clear Sakuma-san valued your company more than ours,” he settled on saying, which seemed neutral enough.

Odagiri stared at him then lowered his gaze.

“It wasn’t… quality time. It was a goodbye. In the Army… it’s pretty common to have together a last drink before leaving for… another assignment,” he explained. _‘Another assignment’_ was a polite way to say frontlines, of course. Though Odagiri had been surprised because he hadn’t been quite sent where the battle was ongoing… his new destination was still the Kwantung Army in Manchuria… and from what Odagiri knew it wouldn’t take long before the Kwangtung Army would resume hostilities with Russia. And then… he knew how he would be used. Sakuma-san knew as well. The others though… they didn’t need to know.

“So you’re leaving for your first mission. Congratulations.” Miyoshi’s tone was annoyed. Odagiri knew the others had assumed Yūki-san had assigned the cases following some sort of _‘most capable’_ order. He also knew that wasn’t the case… but well, he didn’t feel up to tell Miyoshi how personal that case had been for him so he couldn’t really blame him for being annoyed for the wrong reasons.

“I’m not leaving for a mission. I’m leaving. Period. I resigned. I already told the others,” he clarified and, at this, Miyoshi turned to look at him and, for once, he seemed honestly stunned.

“Why? You solved your case. Why would you…” He didn’t understand. Odagiri made it in the end. He completed his training, he solved his case, he proved himself, he overcome whatever was stopping him. Why would he retire **__now__** of all the times? Why? And why the whole matter reminded him of Sakuma-san and of his stubborn refusal to join their training?

“It’s the right decision,” Odagiri replied simply, walking past him and moving toward his own bed before starting to pack his own stuff. “I’m simply… not cut for this.” He expected the discussion to end with this. Though he had nothing against Miyoshi… Miyoshi was the person with whom he found the most difficult to interact, which unfailing ended up on making him tense and angry at himself. But well, since Miyoshi had never seemed to like him, Odagiri had always thought it wouldn’t really matter to him what Odagiri were to do. Actually he believed Miyoshi would be glad he’d gotten rid of him.

“All right, in the beginning you’ve messed up your case and that was unworthy of a professional spy. You fixed things in the end though. There’s no reason to be so hung up on a mistake you fixed. Yūki-san himself said mistakes can happen even to the best spies.” Of course mistakes won’t happen to him, Miyoshi knew he would never do mistakes, but well Odagiri wasn’t him and so it couldn’t be expected Odagiri could be as flawless as Miyoshi was. “Just don’t mess up again and get over to this time in which you messed up.”

As he spoke he saw that Odagiri was looking at him as he were saying the oddest thing ever.

_‘You know… I think in his own way Miyoshi would like to get along with you, Odagiri, he’s just horrible at showing it… and I think he believes it’s you who doesn’t like him… not that he’ll admit it though…’_

When Sakuma-san had told him that, the past night, chuckling in that fond way he always had when he was speaking about Miyoshi, Odagiri hadn’t believed him. Or better… he was sure Sakuma-san honestly thought so because Sakuma-san wasn’t the lying type… he had just believed Sakuma-san had been mistaken in his belief. It was… stunning to think he might have been right… stunning and painful because… because there was no time anymore to fix things, to learn to get along with Miyoshi. So maybe it was better, for the both of them, if he didn’t even try to do it which was why Odagiri shook his head firmly.

“I’ve already decided. This line of work… isn’t for me,” he stated. Miyoshi frowned, clearly irritated.

“I despise people who give up at the first sign of a problem… but maybe it’s not that, isn’t it? We aren’t honourable enough for your standards, isn’t that right? Go back to your Army and to play soldier as you did before dropping here. Really, I’ve no idea why you tried in the first place, if it was only to pull out when things would start to get a little challenging.” His tone was cold, his words meant to insult. He had no idea what had caused Odagiri to end up among them. Odagiri let him speak, wearing that unreadable expression on his face, the one that Miyoshi despised the most because it actually made him uncomfortable as it made him feel ignored.

At least Sakuma-san would get mad at him if he were to say such things… Odagiri instead… he simply didn’t care at all what Miyoshi were to say to him, Miyoshi’s words simply weren’t worth his time. Miyoshi frowned even more as the other didn’t reply.

“You know what? I don’t care,” he stated in the end as he saw no way to affect Odagiri with just words, then marched out, persuaded that the worst part of the whole mess was he hadn’t even finished combing his hair to his liking.

Odagiri stared at Miyoshi as the other left, wishing he knew what to say to fix things but still unable to find the right words. He just… wasn’t much of a talker and he felt already bad enough for not being able to properly explain things to Fukumoto.

He just knew Fukumoto hadn’t been happy with him dropping out… even if he hadn’t commented on it, even if he had still tried to be supportive in his own way, even if he had volunteered to prepare him an Obento to carry along and eat during his travel. Odagiri had had no idea what to reply to Fukumoto’s offering and, really, right now he hadn’t need to argue with Miyoshi as well but… but each time he tried to talk with Miyoshi, he always ended up on messing up and aggravating him further so he thought at least he could reduce damage by keeping silent.

After all… if Miyoshi couldn’t understand he wasn’t like them… if he couldn’t understand he didn’t mean it like an offense… that it was just a mere matter of facts… well, there was nothing Odagiri could do.

“What happened?” Sakuma-san asked, joining him. “Miyoshi left the dormitory earlier than usual and with his hair _**_vaguely out of place_**_ … is the world coming to a end or have you two argued again?”

“I’m not really sure,” Odagiri admitted. “I think he took me leaving as a personal offense or something like that.”

Sakuma-san rolled his eyes then sighed.

“Why if you two are left on your own for more than ten minutes you’ll end up arguing?” he found himself asking but Odagiri only watched at him without replying as if he too had no idea why this happened. He smiled. Maybe this was meant to remain one of the great mysteries of the universe. “Well, surely Miyoshi really has a weird manner to show he cares…” he commented trying to brighten things up. “I don’t think he grasped the whole extent of the situation though so please, don’t take it against him, Odagiri. Later I’ll talk to him and try to make him see reason… if it’s ever possible.”

Odagiri wondered if Miyoshi was in for half a hour of scolding as well then decided this wasn’t the important part.

“Does he know? About _**_your_**_ situation, Sakuma-san?” _‘About how you too will end kicked in a dangerous zone as soon as…’_

Sakuma-san’s gaze hardened.

“He doesn’t need to,” he stated firmly, clearly implying Odagiri shouldn’t do so much as suggest it to Miyoshi. Or the others. It wasn’t their fault anyway and they weren’t supposed to care so there was no reason for them to know. It was bad enough Odagiri had figured out on his own. He didn’t want the others to know as well.

“Maybe it’s just me, Sakuma-san, but I think he’ll take it even worse when…”

“I’ll think at it when we’ll cross that bridge,” Sakuma commented with a shrug. “Enough with the unimportant stuff. Do you think you have someone you know that will be at your next destination? An old classmate? Someone you’ve worked with?” Odagiri shook his head. He had no idea where his old Army companions had ended and, he wasn’t sure he’ll do good to him if they were to meet again after what had caused him to end up in D Agency. He’d been almost court-martialled after all. Why should they wish to associate again with someone who ended up in such deep trouble?

“I’ll see. Here, take this, memorize and destroy as usual. When you’ll be in trouble, go to someone on the list and say you’re a friend of mine. It won’t do much but it’ll help,” Sakuma offered. Odagiri stared at the list offered to him, then to the man who did the offering.

“Why?”

It was a stupid question. He knew why. Sakuma-san cared for them so he was trying to help him. Yet he hadn’t been able to stop himself from asking. Too few people had cared for him, it had left him unused to it to the point it felt weird when it happened.

Sakuma-san patted his shoulder.

“Army companions are supposed to support each other… and as your senior I’m supposed to take care of you. Be careful there… First Lieutenant Tobisaki. Even though the others wouldn’t tell you so, I’m sure they’re all worried. Especially Fukumoto. Make sure they’ll have nothing to worry about. You’re too smart and capable to get yourself in trouble. Really, I’m sure no one in your unit will be so capable to figure out a connection between people just by just catching the scent of the same flower around.” Sakuma chuckled as he said so. He for sure wouldn’t have noticed such things. Flowers and scents… those weren’t things he was trained to pay attention, actually he’d been taught they were a mere distraction. Those were another of the many things he was blind to due to his training. “Your unit will be thankful you decided to join them, really. You’ll do great, Odagiri, so make sure to come back soon to brag about your results!”

Odagiri stared…

_‘First Lieutenant Tobisaki Hiroyuki. Don’t die.’_

…then nodded.

Apart from Chizuru-nee Odagiri had believed he hadn’t had anyone else caring for him through his whole life. Now that he was leaving this place in which he felt he didn’t fit… he was forced to realize that, in their own way people here had cared about him… that he wasn’t alone as he had assumed.

“I won’t disappoint you,” he replied firmly.

“I know you won’t. Take care… and come back.”

Odagiri stared at the man. They both knew how hard it was what Sakuma-san was asking him… yet they both knew Odagiri needed to hear it again. How, like Yūki-san had done, Odagiri needed to hear from Sakuma-san as well that he didn’t want him to die.

“I’ll do my best,” he vowed. “And… when I’ll be back… I hope I’ll see you again.”

Sakuma knew what Odagiri wasn’t saying. He knew Odagiri meant he too didn’t want Sakuma to die. Sakuma also knew that, being less smart and more despised by Muto, he had less chances to come back home alive… but… but he had promised Miyoshi he’ll do his best and so… so he’ll have to manage somehow and therefore… he only nodded in reply, before patting again Odagiri’s shoulder.

“I’ll leave you to packing. Remember saying _‘bye’_ to Fukumoto.”

“I’ve already…”

“Odagiri. Remember saying _‘bye’_ to Fukumoto.”

“I will,” he promised even though he wasn’t quite sure what Sakuma-san expected from him. “I’m not dealing with Miyoshi though. I think… I’ll let him to you. He’ll appreciate it more.” Sakuma sighed.

“That guy is such a source of trouble… really, the worst of the whole bunch.” Odagiri didn’t need to pay attention to the fond tone with whom the man said so to figure out that sentence wasn’t really meant to be a complain. He heard Sakuma-san using that same sentence more than once to speak about his best friends as well. It clearly was reserved to the people Sakuma-san deemed special… even if Odagiri couldn’t quite see what Sakuma-san would see in Miyoshi. But well, those were none of his business.

“Take care of him. I… as weird as it is… well I’m sorry I never manage to get along with him. I just… I don’t know how to say things to him, I guess…” Not that he knew how to explain things to the others either but the others, at least, hadn’t taken it personally. They understood Odagiri didn’t mean anything bad with it.

“I will. You take care of yourself,” Sakuma-san told him again. “And **REMEMBER** to say bye to Fukumoto.”

Odagiri smiled at that. If it was Sakuma-san’s roundabout way to tell him he was an important friend to Fukumoto… well, at least he’d gotten this message.

“I will. I promise.”

“Good,” the man commented before nodding and then leaving Odagiri to pack things.

Once alone Odagiri thought that yes, it would be nice to meet again with Sakuma-san… possibly in other, happier circumstances and with his true name… though he didn’t hope it would be possible.

Odagiri had no idea they would actually meet again, in the middle of a hell called war, the both of them desperately trying to fight a fate that wanted them both dead.

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

**1\. Odagiri’s case:** I used the anime solution for Odagiri’s case. Yes, I know in the novel things went differently, I decided to use the anime solution anyway.

**2\. Sakuma inviting Odagiri out:** Personal headcanon here. Who’s familiar with my other fic ‘A leaning experience’ might know in it I said Sakuma invited Odagiri out to a Kendo match. Though Miyoshi is making a big deal with it to make things extremely short, no, there really wasn’t much more in that invitation than Sakuma having a spare ticket and knowing Odagiri liked Kendo as well as sort of being grateful to him for telling him the truth during the _‘Joker Game’_ game. Also Miwa Shiro draw Odagiri and Sakuma being out together after Odagiri’s episode so you can say I took the idea of Sakuma inviting Odagiri out after the man solved his case from Miwa Shiro’s short comic.

**3\. Sakuma turning down Miyoshi’s invitation:** In truth we only know about Miyoshi inviting Sakuma to join them twice and Sakuma turning those invitations down for different reasons. We’ve no idea if Sakuma always turned him down and official art shows Sakuma being out with the boys so it’s possible it’s not like he ALWAYS turned invitation down. So this is part headcanon, part Miyoshi making a big fuss out of it.

**4\. Fukumoto and Odagiri:** Personal headcanon at work again here but I think Fukumoto was interested in Odagiri. The manga also implied Fukumoto doesn’t like when the boys show up late to eat.

**5\. Miyoshi’s hair:** The drama cd remarked how yes, Miyoshi spends a lot of time on combing his hair but how it also is rather unruly so such a long time is needed. As for Sakuma he learnt it in my other fic ‘A leaning experience’. Sorry, I fear my fics are mostly connected together…

**6\. Fukumoto sending Odagiri to call the others:** It happened twice in the manga so I guess that’s how it worked in D Agency.

**7\. Fukumoto being scary:** In a drama cd Fukumoto manages to scare Jitsui (though for funny reasons), despite Jitsui being the one who usually scares the others in the drama cd. From here the idea that, when he wants to, Fukumoto can be the scariest at D Agency.

**8\. Odagiri and Miyoshi meeting up at the Shinjuku Akakaze Circle:** In case you don’t remember in the anime version of ‘XX Double Cross’ Miyoshi and Odagiri met up after Nogami Yuriko’s performance at the Shinjuku Akakaze Circle. Then Odagiri will meet up with Yuuki and resign… and in this fic in that same night Sakuma invited him out to drink with him.

**9\. Army goodbyes:** Not too sure if that’s how you say your goodbyes in the Japanese Army but they do so in D no Maou and I’ve seen other stories in which this was done so I went with it.

**10\. Odagiri’s final destination:** In the novel Odagiri is sent straight to the frontlines in North China. In the anime they sent in him Manchuria which seems technically safer… however clashes between Japanese and Soviet forces frequently occurred along the border of Manchuria so, although if there wasn’t a war ongoing, it’s not like it was the quietest and safest place in the world. Odagiri knows and thinks he’ll end up on fighting anyway even if he’s technically not in a war zone. He’s not wrong. From his resignation letter we can see that Odagiri resigned on April 11, 1939. Well, from May 11 to September 15, 1939 the Battles of Khalkhyn Gol, decisive engagements of the undeclared Soviet–Japanese border conflicts will be fought among the Soviet Union, Mongolia and the Empire of Japan during which Japan sustained heavy casualties. In short Odagiri is going to be in a warzone soon exactly as he has expected. Poor guy.

**11\. The Kwantung Army:** Oh, in case you don’t know about it the Kwantung Army was an army group of the Imperial Japanese Army which became the largest and most prestigious command in it and was largely responsible for the creation of Manchukuo. It takes its name from the Kwantung Leased Territory a territory in the southern part of the Liaodong Peninsula which Japan obtained in 1905 and with the foundation of Manchukuo in 1932, the Kwantung Army played a controlling role in the political administration of the new state as well as in its defense, administering all aspects of the politics and economic development of the new state.

**12\. First Lieutenant Tobisaki:** Just in case someone has forgotten it, the D Agency boys are Second Lieutenants but Odagiri (true name Tobisaki Hiroyuki… at least in the anime) got promoted to First Lieutenant when he left D Agency.

**13\. The flower scent matter, Odagiri and Sakuma:** In the anime Odagiri figures out that Yasuhara Miyoko is Schneider’s killer by discovering that Camomile, the flower the Russian spies used to communicate among them was in Schneider’s apartment but also was regularly delivered to Yasuhara Miyoko. Odagiri recognized the flowers due to their scent. Sakuma though, being an Army soldier, wouldn’t pay attention to things like flowers and scents of flowers because to him they’re irrelevant. The result would be he wouldn’t notice the presence of the flowers in Schneider’s house and among Miyoko’s presents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we’re jumped to what happened **AFTER** Odagiri resigned. Personally the chat Miyoshi and Odagiri had at the Shinjuku Akakaze Circle gave me the feeling that Miyoshi, in his own way, wanted to get along with Odagiri and could respect his ability.
> 
> Of course since Miyoshi doesn’t like to show his best sides and Odagiri is being… well, Odagiri, they end up on arguing again.
> 
> Though I couldn’t quite put it in this story, I’d like to point out that Fukumoto had been awesome because even though he’s the one who’s suffering the most because Odagiri leaves, he still managed to be supportive. Odagiri though, hadn’t figured out how important he is to Fukumoto and how badly this is affecting him.
> 
> I’ve tried to keep it subtle but yes, Odagiri is going to miss Fukumoto a lot as well.
> 
> Last but not least, Odagiri and Sakuma’s situations are similar, as they know the Army is planning to get rid of them both and they don’t really hope to manage to survive.
> 
> I guess it doesn’t hurt to remember that no, there’s nothing between Sakuma and Odagiri apart some sort of comradeship due to them being both Army men who’re now destined to a similar fate (so really, Miyoshi has no reason to be jealous but that’s Miyoshi for you. He doesn’t like to share or to think he might come second best).
> 
> And now only one chapter is missing so I hope you’ll stay tuned for it!


	4. Chapter 4

Miyoshi had no idea when exactly Odagiri had left D Agency for good and didn’t care. He wasn’t in the mood to care about other people. He wasn’t in the mood for company either, which was why he hadn’t gone out with the others nor had he searched for Sakuma-san’s presence but had just closed himself in the library and had tried to busy himself drawing.

It wasn’t like he ever planned to become a great artist… he just was good at it and found the whole thing relaxing. That night though… it seemed he simply couldn’t sketch things right.

He frowned as he stared at what he just made, feeling deeply unsatisfied by it, his mood worsening further when he heard the door opening and someone getting in. He didn’t have to turn to know it was Sakuma-san the one who had joined him and that now was leaning his hand on Miyoshi’s chair, peering at that poor sketch from over Miyoshi’s head, something that made him even more frustrated. He didn’t like to share his failures with others. Really, couldn’t Sakuma-san figure he wanted to be left on his own, he mused as he put an act of ignoring him and reached for his eraser, planning to cancel the animal he had just so poorly drawn.

“It’s a pity if you’ll erase it, it’s such a cute duck,” Sakuma-san commented before Miyoshi could do just so, which pushed Miyoshi to turn to look at him with that sort of smouldering glare that would incinerate a person on the spot.

“It’s a **__swan__** ,” he hissed knowing that, although he hadn’t drawn it as perfectly as he wanted, it should still be recognizable enough… but then caught Sakuma-san’s grin and realized the mistake had been deliberate. “It’s really not funny, Sakuma-san,” he commented simply, turning his head away from him. He wasn’t sulking, he told himself. That would be below him.

Sakuma-san didn’t reply and merely sat down in a nearby chair, straddling its back and resting his crossed arms on top of it, slightly leaning his weight on them, a clear hint he didn’t plan to leave anytime soon but also that he definitely was in an off-duty mode (duty-mode Sakuma-san sat up straight and with a perfect posture as if he was just born into it) and said nothing.

Miyoshi gave him a quick glance, took note of how that the man was apparently content enough with just staring at him without speaking, then did his best to return his attention on his drawing and to pretend to ignore his observer.

It wouldn’t be difficult, he told himself.

He was handsome enough to be used being stared at in addition on being trained to fake not paying attention to people’s eyes being on him. Despite this though, he ended up on tapping the eraser on the paper, unable to continue sketching, the small inspiration he had before Sakuma-san’s intrusion now completely lost.

Minutes went by, all spent in silence and inactivity, the only sound between them being the one of the eraser Miyoshi was tapping. He hoped the sound was, at least, annoying Sakuma-san as much as the man’s presence was irritating him.

Still, he knew that the both of them could spent the night like that effortlessly, holding their position and remaining silent but he really didn’t feel interested in that sort of game.

“If you’ve something to say, Sakuma-san, just tell it. I hate it when people waste my time and I didn’t pin you down as someone who’s shy to voice his thoughts.”

“I meant it. That _‘duck’_ … is pretty. It’s a pity if you’ll erase it.” Miyoshi did his best not to frown at the duck mention, knowing he was being made fun of and refusing to give the other satisfaction. Silence fell again but didn’t really last. “Besides… I had no idea you knew how to draw so well,” Sakuma-san chose to add in a really honest tone, that strongly contrasted with the one he used seconds before. There was a quiet yet sincere admiration in it, he wasn’t joking anymore now. Miyoshi knew this really couldn’t be what he came to say but decided it was better than the other options and that he could play along with this discussion.

“If you think it’s pretty than this shows you don’t understand nothing about art. It’ a mess, the worst I’ve ever done.”

“I don’t understand anything about art,” Sakuma-san effortlessly admitted. “But I’d like to see one you’ll deem good then.” Miyoshi glanced at him, then shrugged and resumed to tap his eraser on the paper. Sakuma-san had sounded honest but maybe those were just polite words. Miyoshi knew Sakuma-san had no real interest in art in general so why should he care for Miyoshi’s drawings? He stared at the paper with an unsatisfied expression, searching for a way to fix it without result.

“I’m not that bad at Battōjutsu,” Sakuma-san said abruptly. “Well, you already knew that. Sometimes though I can’t seem to be capable to move the sword the way I want to. It’s frustrating. I should know those movements as easy as I breathe… yet sometimes I can’t perform them well. Weird, isn’t it?” Miyoshi’s gaze turned on him, to notice the man wasn’t looking at him right then, his gaze lost some place faraway only he could see.

“Is there a reason why you’re telling me this?” he asked anyway, preparing for battle if Sakuma-san were to try and imply he was trying to draw a parallel between his inability to perform well Battōjutsu when stressed and Miyoshi’s poor results at sketching that day. Miyoshi wasn’t stressed and, anyway, he would never let stress or other thoughts affect his performance. It was just he lacked inspiration and there was no help for this. Sakuma-san however shrugged as he returned his gaze on him.

“Before you told me to say something.”

“That’s not quite what I said and you know it,” Miyoshi snapped back. “Besides you already spoke too much when you mentioned the duck. Which is not a duck and that’s also something you know. Well.”

“Miyoshi. If I were to know what I should say I would have probably said it already. I don’t really like much sitting here in silence either.”

“Then leave.”

“No.”

Miyoshi frowned then moved to stand.

“Escaping isn’t like you, you know,” Sakuma commented. Truth to be told he was sure Miyoshi wasn’t trying to escape. It was more likely he was up on something, Sakuma couldn’t quite say what.

“I wasn’t escaping. I only wanted to get a knife to sharpen the pencil.” Miyoshi said it in such a natural and honest manner it was impossible to doubt it wasn’t the truth. Still Sakuma glanced again at the perfectly sharp pencil Miyoshi was holding then… decided not to comment, fished his folding knife from his pocket and handed it to the other.

“Here.”

Miyoshi stared at it only a moment before accepting it with a quick _‘Thanks’_ and then proceed to torment his pencil with it. He was just consuming it, he knew, but, at least, it gave him something to do as he mulled over what was going on. Sakuma-san had intruded there to… do nothing apparently, not even scold him when Miyoshi had so obviously lied to him. He just… seemed to want to be there, with him, without, at the same time, expecting anything from Miyoshi. That silent company felt weird, something he was unused at. Of course he didn’t show it but, like Sakuma-san had said, sometime people couldn’t do simple movements they should know how to do as easy as they breathed, which was why Miyoshi ended up cutting himself. He had no time to do anything else though as Sakuma-san grabbed his injured hand and then wrapped it in his tissue.

It reminded Miyoshi of the first time he was assigned to cooking duty and, since he’d never done it in his whole life, he ended up on scalding himself and that weird First Lieutenant that seemed so angry with the whole world and despising them so much had materialized out of nowhere and, while Fukumoto hurried to take care of the flames Miyoshi overuse of oil had caused, Sakuma-san had grabbed Miyoshi’s arm and had pushed his hand under cold running water before sending Hatano to retrieve the med kit.

Miyoshi remembered the experience as one of the most confusing that had ever happened to him. Sakuma-san had scolded him through the whole process… yet he had also medicated him with care and a weird sort of kindness Miyoshi was unfamiliar with.

He hadn’t been the only one Sakuma-san had worried about. For all his disapproving glances and scolding and… everything else, really… Sakuma-san was still the first to be there when one of them got hurt, or sick, scolding a lot but also making sure he was well cared for… And he stopped with this behaviour only when he finally persuaded himself they knew how to take care of themselves. Or that his fussing over them actually made them uncomfortable. Though he still slipped in the habit here and there.

“It’s not deep. You should be careful though,” he heard Sakuma-san chiding him as he let go of Miyoshi’s now _‘bandaged’_ hand. “It’s likely going to sting if you abuse of it…” No… not chiding him because he’d been careless… just worrying he didn’t hurt himself any further. That evening… Sakuma-san wasn’t there to argue with him or make him uncomfortable or anything. In his own clumsy way… it seemed Sakuma-san was trying his best to…

“Thank you,” Miyoshi said simply ten minutes after, when the man had seemed to finally stop ranting about Miyoshi’s wound. Then, because there was nothing else he could say, “it seems I’m not in the mood to draw so I should probably drop it.” There was another pause of silence then he turned his eyes on Sakuma-san again. “Do you really want to see a good one?” Sakuma-san nodded. Miyoshi nodded back. “Then follow me. One of those days though, you’ll have to show me you doing Battōjutsu in exchange.”

“All right. As long as it’s in a day in which I can actually hold the sword decently enough.”

* * *

Not much later Miyoshi had fished from his stuff in the dormitory an old sketchbook and had handed it to Sakuma. There was no name on the sketchbook and a corner of the cover as well as the first page were ripped away but Sakuma was sure that the drawings were Miyoshi’s… and that the missing name was merely a hint that was something that had belonged to him from before he joined D Agency and, from which Miyoshi had needed to remove any sign of his true name.

He whistled in appreciation as he stared at the sketches and Miyoshi allowed himself a half smile before sitting down on Sakuma’s bed and leaning on the window, watching what was outside of it distractedly.

Sakuma thought he’d like to have a memory as good as the Lieutenant Colonel’s students, so as to be capable to remember the sight of Miyoshi leaning against that window through the years to come then turned away his gaze. He wasn’t supposed to stare and those weird wishes were useless, really. Miyoshi was just one of the Lieutenant Colonel’s students. No reason to make this more than it should be he reminded himself as he shook his head minutely, to better chase away such silly thoughts then, since Miyoshi had taken possession of his bed, he sat on Miyoshi’s one, which was next to his own, and moved his attention on the sketchbook. Miyoshi’s subjects seemed to be all views of some places far away… in Europe maybe as the buildings and the sceneries didn’t look Japan at all. The details in them though were impressive and so precise one would have normally assumed they had been drawn by watching a photo or just while being there.

Despite this Sakuma was willing to bet Miyoshi had drawn them by memory but he wasn’t going to ask. He wasn’t supposed to know Miyoshi’s past and didn’t want to force the other to lie, so he assumed it would be better if he weren’t to touch that topic, if he weren’t to ask him if he’d been in such places and if they meant something to him so that he had carried within himself the memory of them and had fixed it on paper so as to better preserve it. He decided he was content enough Miyoshi was sharing what was inside the sketchbook with him. He knew better than to ask for more.

“They’re awesome. Like photographs,” he commented honestly. Miyoshi nodded but he didn’t look pleased.

“Yes. That’s all they are though.”

Sakuma blinked, confused. It wasn’t like Miyoshi to sound so unsatisfied of his own work. Miyoshi turned his gaze on him, catching his confused expression then made a small sigh.

“You really don’t know much about art, don’t you? Art is more than just copying perfectly something… art is also transmitting feelings. And when you stop feeling wonderment for all the details in those sketches… well, those drawings won’t tell you anything. They’re just like a boring photo.”

Sakuma stared at him then returned his attention on the sketches. Well, yes, if one weren’t to pay attention to how beautifully detailed and realistic they were, in the end they were just random views yet…

“I still like them though. They’re like windows on places I never saw,” he admitted. Places Miyoshi probably saw and that maybe held a place in his heart, he also thought but kept for himself. Where were those houses, those streets, those seaside and countryside? He doubted he would ever find out, as he could see no real landmarks… still for Miyoshi they had been worth enough he drew them. To Sakuma, this was supposed to mean something.

“Did you ever left Japan?” Miyoshi asked him, looking at him with a somehow curious expression.

Sakuma shook his head.

“Japan is all the world I know and all the world I care for and want to protect and improve. I guess I might end up leaving eventually, but, in that case, I doubt I’ll have a chance at sightseeing,” he admitted as he continued to look through Miyoshi’s black and white sketches… wondering which colours, which scents those places had.

Miyoshi didn’t comment at first. Then…

“Odagiri has been assigned somewhere unpleasant, isn’t it? That’s the price for failing to become a spy and that’s why you were so worried about him failing. Because there would have been unpleasant consequences if he weren’t to pass his _‘final exam’_.” It was a statement, not a question.

Sakuma didn’t raise his head to look at him but he stopped turning pages.

“I’m not supposed to know where he had been assigned and so you aren’t,” he stated simply.

“You know though, don’t you? You hampered with it, somehow. That’s what you and Yuuki-san were talking about, plotting your own little schemes behind our back in another of your own private little agreements we’re not supposed to be aware of.”

_‘Lieutenant Colonel… what I told you when you assigned this case… I meant it.’_

“Miyoshi. I’m not supposed to know where he had been assigned and the same applies for _**_you_**_ as well,” Sakuma-san repeated still without looking at him, but Miyoshi didn’t miss the emphasis on the _‘you’_ part. He was sure Sakuma-san knew where Odagiri had been sent, that he actually might have even had a hand in the location chosen for his next assignment… but he also figured out the man wouldn’t tell him anything in this regard. He frowned. That was probably also why Sakuma-san Had been so worried for Miyoshi’s graduation case as well. There would be a price to pay if they were to fail. They wouldn’t be allowed to resume with their lives as if nothing had happened.

“Odagiri is a moron. Why did he have to drop out? He passed. Not perfectly, all right, but still… and Fukumoto didn’t stop him. I thought they were close. Talk about being deceptive. Did you tell him he’s a moron?”

Sakuma sighed.

“Odagiri is old enough to decide for himself. It was his decision and I’ve no right to intrude in his decisions. And the same applies to you as well.”

Miyoshi frowned. Sakuma-san had been worried for Odagiri yet he didn’t like spies so was it possible…

“Don’t tell me you think he did the right thing.”

“I’m not Odagiri. I don’t know what would be the right thing for him to do. It’s not like doing the spy is a work that comes without risks and the Lieutenant Colonel said over and over one can’t do it half heartedly so if Odagiri didn’t feel up to it I guess he couldn’t do it but still…” Sakuma shook his head. If Odagiri were to work as a spy the Army would have been interested in keeping him alive. Now instead… and even not considering this… he wasn’t sure Odagiri was cut for what he had been destined now. As he said to Miyoshi… although Odagiri had many traits of an Army soldier and the knowledge proper to one to Sakuma Odagiri felt like he misses _‘something’_ to be one... and he could only hope this lack of _‘something’_ wouldn’t turn fatal for Odagiri…

“I don’t know if Odagiri took the right choice or not. At least though, it was Odagiri’s choice. We’ve no right to intrude.” Sakuma could accept it if he were to think Odagiri had at least some sort of say in it, instead than having to deal with the thought that Odagiri was being forced through that path by some moron that didn’t understand his worth and all for a stupid mistake. He had the feeling though that for Miyoshi things weren’t so easy.

“Well, it was a stupid choice,” Miyoshi insisted. Sakuma sighed. Really, Miyoshi was truly hung up on how he disapproved Odagiri’s choice and, even if normally Miyoshi had low tolerance for who were to chose something he disliked, this time there seemed to be more to this than just that.

“You two argued again, didn’t you?” he guessed, remembering how Miyoshi had left the dormitory that morning. Did Miyoshi felt guilty for that argument? Helpless because he couldn’t stop Odagiri? Or was he simply still angry and now that Odagiri was gone he had no way to vent that anger? It was hard to say. It was hard to figure out Miyoshi’s feelings on the whole thing… still… whatever they were, Sakuma had the feeling he needed someone to share them with. Though maybe it was just him. With Miyoshi he could never truly tell.

“Are you going to scold me like you did with Odagiri now? Is that why you’re here, Sakuma-san?” Miyoshi looked at him with a mocking smile. “Besides I told you not to butt in and instead Odagiri said…”

“I didn’t start it. Odagiri mentioned the whole incident. Did you expect me to pat his shoulder and tell him he did a good work?”

Of course not, Miyoshi knew better than think such a thing. If Odagiri had been such a moron to tell Sakuma-san what had happened, it was clear that Sakuma-san would have scolded him and, really, Miyoshi knew Sakuma-san wouldn’t have tattled out the fact he complained about Odagiri’s behaviour with him but still…

“I don’t care. Well? Are you going to scold me or not?”

“No. That’s not why I’m here.”To Sakuma it felt terribly sad that Miyoshi could think that scolding him was why he was putting up with him and his bad mood that night. Sakuma wished he could explain him… but he had no idea how to. After all it wasn’t like he quite knew what he was doing or why so…

Miyoshi wasn’t sure how to feel over the whole matter either. If Sakuma-san scolded them because he cared… was it a bad sign he didn’t want to scold him?

“Why are you here, then?”

“Miyoshi. I’m almost always here at this hour,” Sakuma reminded him. Miyoshi frowned.

“You know what I mean, Sakuma-san.” They stared at each other for a moment. Then…

“I don’t know. Because it felt it was the right thing to do, I guess… no, that’s not it… It has little to do with it being right or wrong. I’m here just because I wanted to. That’s all there is to it.” In the end it hadn’t been out of fairness or some other noble motive. He just… had wanted to. To be there. With Miyoshi. While Miyoshi was in such a bad mood. He sighed. There was probably something wrong in him that made him wish for such thing.

Miyoshi stared at him and, for once, he seemed at loss as well, as if Sakuma’s answer made no sense to him. Maybe, Sakuma wondered, he really couldn’t figure why someone else would want to be close to him while he was in a bad mood. Maybe he never had someone who would put up with him when he was in a bad mood. Then Miyoshi merely sighed and closed his eyes again.

“You’re weird, Sakuma-san,” he only commented but actually Miyoshi was feeling an odd kind of warmth at the idea the man had wanted to be there, with him. It wasn’t just the physical attraction kind of warmth, the mere wish to get some hot sex right here right now… even if the fact they were seated on Sakuma-san’s bed had given him such thoughts. This though… was just… another type of warmness, one that pooled all around him like a blanket meant to keep him safe from the coldness of the night. Weird as it wasn’t the sort of person that needed such blanket. Yet… he wondered briefly how it would be if he were to start something and Sakuma-san were to agree with it, if it would feel… different with him somehow, different than how it had been with his other past lovers… even if there really wasn’t a reason for it to be different and yet he couldn’t help but think…

A self mocking smile escaped him. Of course he knew better than to try as he wasn’t in the mood for being turned down. Why Sakuma-san had to be so hell bend on respecting whatever the Army were to say when he also knew the Army itself unofficially did as it pleased was a mystery Miyoshi would never, never solve.

Damn Odagiri and the fact he decided to drop out… stupid, he was so stupid but then why he just couldn’t stop thinking at the whole thing? It was odd, he knew how to focus during training, he would have been capable to dismiss the whole thing easily but now… now he wasn’t training and somehow he couldn’t get rid of such thoughts.

“There’s no face in this one,” Sakuma-san stated, interrupting his thoughts. In a way Miyoshi was grateful for that interruption. Weird.

“Ah, I couldn’t remember that woman’s face so I didn’t manage to finish that sketch,” he replied taking care to sound casual and disinterested, as if the whole matter was completely irrelevant.

Sakuma frowned, thinking it made no sense. That woman was the only person in Miyoshi’s sketches and the only unfinished drawing. The sketch wasn’t just missing the woman’s face, the whole drawing had a very… undefined feeling. Sakuma was sure that woman was beautiful and elegant but… it was more of a feeling than anything else as all the details were too vague to make them out clearly. Considering Miyoshi’s memory though, it was hard to think he could have forgotten someone’s features, it was easier to assume he just lied but… why to lie when he could have simply said he didn’t like how the drawing was turning out and didn’t feel like finishing it? Besides Miyoshi knew Sakuma couldn’t stand lies and that he would find odd his words so… He eyed Miyoshi, saw him wearing a rather guarded expression. Sakuma shrugged and went on with watching the sketches.

Actually there was a possible explanation for Miyoshi’s words. Even Miyoshi’s amazing memory might have had problems remembering that woman’s features if Miyoshi had actually seen her when he was really, really young. And if that was the case… well, it was again something he couldn’t ask him as he wasn’t supposed to nose in Miyoshi’s past. Especially considering that the woman somehow reminded him of Miyoshi… if she were family… he definitely couldn’t nose into this matter. The past of all the students of D Agency was meant to remain a secret. For their own safety. Sakuma knew he would have died before revealing confidential info about the students but… he respected the rules that claimed no one was meant to know it anyway so he didn’t pry and resumed studying the sketches when Miyoshi interrupted him.

“Aren’t you going to ask? It’s written all over your face you’ve questions.”

“I don’t think you’re allowed to reply honestly… and if the reply is something you’ve to make up, I’m not interested in an answer,” he admitted.

“I see,” Miyoshi said simply. “Then let me ask you something else. Why did you invite Odagiri out yesterday if it wasn’t for scolding him?” Sakuma-san gave him a confused gaze as if the answer to Miyoshi’s question were to be really easy and he couldn’t figure why the other felt the need to ask such thing.

“To say goodbye, of course.” Miyoshi made a gesture of annoyance.

“And you couldn’t have done it with the rest of us because?” Sakuma-san’s expression remained confuse, though a bit wary. He seemed to hesitate a bit before answering, as if slightly uncomfortable.

“You know… it’s not he means bad… it’s just Odagiri isn’t really good at interacting with others beyond what’s strictly necessary…” Sakuma-san began and then Miyoshi connected the dots.

“Odagiri didn’t plan to say goodbye, is that it?” Sakuma-san didn’t need to reply to that and, in a way, it wasn’t so surprising from Odagiri. What was surprising was that Sakuma-san had realized it and had tried to do something about it. “I told you he’s a moron. He wasn’t worth your time. He isn’t worth anyone’s time. Fukumoto’s going to miss him and he wasn’t even considering saying bye.”

“Well, isn’t that what it means to be bad at interacting? When you fail to connect well with other people’s emotions and end up misunderstanding their feelings and the effect your actions will have on them? You know, Miyoshi, it’s not that Odagiri wanted to hurt Fukumoto… or anyone else for the matter… it’s simply couldn’t understand everyone was going to miss him, that’s why he thought it wouldn’t make a difference if he weren’t to say hello. And well… I can’t really blame him much as it’s rather hard to guess what’s going on in the mind of you all...”

Sakuma sighed, rested his hands behind himself on the bed and leaned back, turning his head up to stare at the roof. They all were supposed to wear a mask, never revealing their names, never revealing their past, always pretending to be someone else. It took a lifetime before Sakuma could do so much as to begin to vaguely understand them… and he still wasn’t sure he did it correctly… but he was willing to bet that Fukumoto, in his own way, cared for Odagiri. Of that much he was sure. So… he also wanted to make sure that Odagiri knew. Sort of. Because it would be too sad if he were to leave the place without realizing he’ll be missed, that he had someone there who would care for him.

“It’s sad to say goodbye to someone you care for… but I think it’s even sadder to believe you have no one to say goodbye to. So… I went and meddled with Odagiri’s business. That’s all.”

Miyoshi didn’t reply. Yes, it felt like something Sakuma-san would feel was the right thing to do, he was the sort to believe in the importance of those silly sentimental things so… so now what? He had no idea, he realized as silence fell again.

“Miyoshi? Can I ask you something now?” It wasn’t like Sakuma-san to ask permission before asking for something... and for a moment Miyoshi felt a distinct sense of annoyance thinking the man was worrying about Miyoshi’s feelings… as if he were viewing him like someone who was… emotionally delicate… then figured that this wasn’t the case. Sakuma-san had made clear he wasn’t interested in lies so, likely, the unsaid message was probably _‘either answer honestly or say you don’t feel up to answer’_. Well, Miyoshi could play that game.

“Do ask. I can find out if your question is worth a reply only after you’ve made it.”

“Why aren’t you out with the others?”

“I didn’t feel like it,” it was all Miyoshi said as he shrugged. Sakuma frowned slightly then shrugged as well.

“Well, I guess this is an answer of sort,” he decided. It was clear Sakuma-san wanted something a bit more detailed but apparently he wasn’t going to pressure Miyoshi by pointing out it was the first time Miyoshi had seek out solitude from when he joined D Agency.

Working on his own… well, this was something Miyoshi had done more than once. However… just remaining on his own for the sake of it… Miyoshi had done is best to never do it. And it seemed that even Sakuma-san had noticed it. Weird. There were things Sakuma-san couldn’t notice not even if they were waved under his nose and others who simply couldn’t escape him.

Yet the man wasn’t going to pressure him, he was merely going to accept Miyoshi’s answer, content enough that it was at least true in a fashion. Maybe it was because he wasn’t pressured that Miyoshi decided to expand his answer.

“It was going to be depressing. I knew that it would be about Odagiri they all would all talk or also not-talk… which basically would amount to the same thing as it would be obvious they were avoiding the topic. Where’s the fun in that? What’s the point in that? He left. Time to move on and get over with it. Besides it wasn’t like Odagiri was that relevant in our group. No one tried to stop him, not even Fukumoto. Odagiri was an idiot not worth our time so I don’t see why he should ruin the night by becoming the topic or not-topic of it. Satisfied now?” Sakuma-san nodded. Weird, Miyoshi thought. Somehow answering Sakuma-san’s question made him feel… a little lighter, as if he had gotten rid of a burden.

“Just another question though,” Sakuma-san said then. “Why are you so angry?”

“I’m not. It’s just an annoying situation.” Sakuma-san studied him, tilting his head. Miyoshi knew what he was thinking, even if he wasn’t voicing it. “Don’t be stupid, Sakuma-san. I don’t care about Odagiri at all. We couldn’t even get along. You know I’ve not your silly ideas about friendship and such.”

“All right.”

“No, it’s not. You’re sounding way too condescending, as if you don’t believe me at all but are merely humouring me. I’m not a whining child who needs to be humoured.” Sakuma-san sighed as he stood. Miyoshi felt confused when the man rested his hand on the top of Miyoshi’s head.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to sound like that.” Miyoshi frowned. He was sure Sakuma-san didn’t believe him one single bit. He probably was nursing some silly fantasy Miyoshi was there that night because he regretted arguing with Odagiri or something equally stupid. Still… Sakuma-san likely meant it when he said he didn’t want to sound condescending. That _‘all right’_ was probably meant to hint he’d accept Miyoshi’s reply without questioning further. Also… his touch was gentle and careful not to mess up Miyoshi’s hair and somehow Miyoshi realized he didn’t want to argue the matter any further.

“Why are you taking the whole thing so well, Sakuma-san? I would have expected you to…” Miyoshi wasn’t sure what he had expected from Sakuma-san, but clearly not to be so calm over Odagiri leaving the place, when he’d been so worried before.

“I’m used to people leaving. Way too many of my friends had to leave and still aren’t back. I wouldn’t manage to go on if I were to let this drag me down,” the man explained without breaking contact. “It happened so often it had become normal. We go out drinking the night before they’ll leave, talk about glory and honour and such and that we’ll surely meet again… be it in the future, at Yasukuni shrine or in our next life… so since we’ll surely see again… there’s no need to worry.”

Miyoshi considered reminding him that once one was dead… well, that was the end, then decided not to. Evidently that delusion had his use for Sakuma-san.

“It’s not exactly as smooth as it sounds but… you learn you can go on,” he went on, then sighed. “Though my grandfather used to say it’s a good thing one feels pain when he has to say _‘goodbye’_. It meant he had something precious so it hurts to lose it, even if only for a short while.” Miyoshi didn’t reply, he just closed his eyes. He didn’t really want to think at that. Somehow… he felt tired and it had been stupid of him to raise such discussion when he remained there deliberately to avoid the whole thing. Yet… it had felt natural to talk about the whole matter with Sakuma-san even if he didn’t quite understand why. It was a confusing night.

“Say… I’m thirsty. What about a beer?” Sakuma-san suggested. If it was a way to switch the topic it was way too much clumsy but Miyoshi didn’t really mind it. He welcomed a change of topic.

“Are you inviting me out, Sakuma-san?” he wondered with an amused grin.

“Well…” A loud thunder interrupted everything Sakuma-san might have said, followed by the sound of rain starting to pour abruptly. Miyoshi frowned. Going out _**_now_**_ was definitely out of question. Sakuma-san sighed, then rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “I think we’ve some beer downside, don’t we? And I seems to remember you once said there are other drinks as well if you don’t feel up to beer…”

Miyoshi sighed. Just his luck it had to start to rain the only time Sakuma-san were to feel like inviting him out.

“Well, I guess a drink couldn’t hurt,” he decided to say anyway because, after all, even this could be a start. He stood as well and saw Sakuma-san grinning down at him. Stupid man. It was clear now Sakuma-san had been trying his hardest to cheer Miyoshi up when Miyoshi really didn’t need it because he didn’t care about Odagiri at all… he was trained not to care, he was used not to care, so really, if a side of him hadn’t thought it was nice for once to have Sakuma-san paying attention to him…

“Sakuma-san. I’ll be expecting you to invite me out to drink when I’ll pass my graduation case,” he stated.

“All right,” Sakuma-san agreed without missing a beat. Miyoshi paused in his track. “Well? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I meant just you and I, Sakuma-san.”

“You’d better meant that. I don’t see why I would have to pay for the others when it would be you passing your graduation case.”

Miyoshi chuckled.

“So stingy….”

Sakuma-san smiled as well but it was a fond smile, even though there was a note of… melancholy maybe? Miyoshi wasn’t sure but it was a weird night after all. They left the dormitory and turned off the lights on whose nine beds, one of which from now on would remain vacant.

It would be the first. It wouldn’t be the last. Miyoshi knew other goodbyes would follow as they’ll start leaving for missions all around the globe.

At the moment though, he didn’t want to think at it. For once he wanted only to try to enjoy the other’s company and let this night pass by.

The time of their goodbye wasn’t there yet after all and he had no idea how sad it would be.

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

**1\. Miyoshi’s drawing ability:** Personal headcanon here based on the fact that, when Miyoshi disguised himself as Maki, he officially went to Europe to study art and, once he finished school, he became an art dealer. It gave me the idea that Miyoshi needed to have a certain ability at drawing as drawing is usually part of what one studies in an art school.

**2\. Sakuma’s lack of art knowledge and art interest:** Again it’s a personal headcanon. Sakuma seems to enjoy reading in the canon but, to me, he doesn’t look like the type who’s knowledgeable about paintings and such. I might be wrong.

**3\. Miyoshi’s lack of cooking ability:** As mentioned in the first chapter this one is just a personal headcanon based on the fact that in a drama cd, although he (and Kaminaga) is in the cooking club, he never cook… and on how, if he comes from a rich family as hinted in the novel, it’s possible he never had to cook for himself.

**4\. Sakuma worrying about the boys’ injuries:** In the novel it’s described how Sakuma used to be close to his companions, how they would worry one for the other and back then in the Army members were supposed to look after each other in a sort of family like structure. Hence it felt logical to assume that Sakuma is the sort of guy that worries if someone gets injuries and tries to help. Also in the drama cd he seemed rather worried when someone got sick… so I thought it would fit him.

**5\. The D Agency boys having good memory:** The novel remarks on their impressive memory and how this impressed Sakuma though the anime didn’t dwell much on it but I just kept it as one of the boys distinctive traits.

**5\. Miyoshi’s nameless sketchbook:** When the boys joined D Agency they had to take fake names. As the sketchbook is something Miyoshi had from prior to him joining he had to remove from it signs of his true name.

**6\. Yuuki and Sakuma’s own little schemes:** This is again another assumption of mine and you might be familiar with it if you’ve read **‘A learning experience’**. Long story short I’ve assumed the two of them had some sort of agreement as it seems that Sakuma never reported the boys… even if we know that in the novel they did things it would be worth reporting for at Muto. If there’s an allegiance of some sort between Sakuma and Yuuki it makes easier to figure how Yuuki could influence Odagiri’s destination in the anime. In the novel Odagiri is simply sent in the frontlines in north China, fundamentally to die there. In the anime he’s sent to Manchuria, where Nogami went. The implication is that Yuuki changed his destination but this isn’t up to Yuuki or Muto but to the Ministry of War. The anime skips over this detail but we know that Yuuki has no friends in the Army (everyone hates him) so it becomes hard to figure how he could influence where Odagiri went (well, I guess he could blackmail them). In this fic though I assumed that one of Sakuma’s old classmates worked for the Ministry of War at the assignation department and did Sakuma the favour to influence Odagiri’s destination. Manchuria isn’t a safe zone anyway (Japan and Russia are about to start fighting there) so it could be still acceptable as a destination.

**7\. Meeting at Yasukuni Shrine or in the next life:** In the novel Sakuma expressed the belief he would reunite with his dead comrades at Yasukuni shrine because those who bravely sacrifice themselves for the country are commemorated there. He doesn’t mention next lives but Yamamoto Tsunetomo (山本 常) the writer of the **‘Hagakure’** (葉隠), a practical and spiritual guide for a warrior, did (he said he wanted to be reborn seven times as a samurai of Nabeshima) and, **‘Hagakure’** was basically the Holy Bible of how Japanese soldiers should behave in WW2 I think Sakuma and his friends could have ended up influenced by this and could consider the possibility of reincarnation Just my take.

**8\. Drinks at D Agency:** In the manga is said that there’s whiskey as well as other options for the boys to drink in D Agency.

**9\. Tennō Heika (天皇陛下) and cherry petals:** "His Majesty the Emperor". In Japanese culture, sakura as the embodiment of beauty and mortality can be traced back centuries. It was used for the samurai, who were supposed to appreciate the inevitability of death in battle without fearing it, the fallen cherry blossom or petal, symbolizing the end of their short lives. During World War II, cherry blossoms took on a similar meaning for soldiers and, especially, for pilots who painted their kamikaze warplanes with the flower imagery before embarking on suicide missions to “die like beautiful falling cherry petals for the emperor”. You can notice the cherry blossom symbolism even being used in Joker Game at the end of Ep 2, when Sakuma claims he’s ready to die without a second notice, while standing under a cherry trees, cherry petals falling all around him.

**10\. Kaminaga and Amari from getting drunk and conducting an unseemly behaviour:** In an official Joker Game card Miyoshi said he would agree to go drink under the cherry trees at night with Kaminaga and Amari as long as they don’t get themselves drunk and conducting an unseemly behaviour. He doesn’t ask the same from Jitsui, hence the idea that a drunk Kaminaga and Amari are… an interesting show.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To write this chapter was hell as Sakuma and Miyoshi’s relation here is complicate to say the least as they still don’t know well how to interact with each other without driving each other up on a wall.
> 
> They’re trying through as they’re attempting to figure out each other and not to just assume things on each other, are opening up a little and are giving each other space. It’s sort of clumsy as that’s not the type of interaction they’re used to handle but they’re working on it.
> 
> Feel free to try and read between the lines of their respective behaviours to figure out what they’re not-saying or what they’re trying to accomplish.
> 
> Oh, for who missed it Miyoshi wasn’t trying to escape from the room. He was only trying to see what Sakuma would do if he were to leave. Miyoshi is the type who tests other people’s reactions to try and understand them while Sakuma is more the one who tries to study them in a calm environment so as to figure them out better, hence the difference in their interaction and why Sakuma kept calm while Miyoshi was being deliberately annoying.
> 
> Oh, now I can freely admit the title is based on this quote: “How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” By A.A. Milne, The Complete Tales of Winnie-the-Pooh, though, no, Sakuma’s granddad’s opinion about being a good thing when one feels pain when he has to say goodbye isn’t, of course, based on Winnie-the-Pooh tales.
> 
> Also… originally I wanted to write more about Sakuma and Miyoshi’s night drinking together at D Agency… but it was just more of them trying to figure out each other so I ended up deciding to cut it.
> 
> And so that’s the end of this fic. Thank you for reading so far and I truly hope you enjoyed it!


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